Food Fight

2nd Amendment Sissies

Let's switch the order of the 1st and 2nd Amendment. Let's declare open season on the unarmed.

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I want to be clear to all of you 2nd Amendment Sissies, just because you have the right to bear arms doesn't mean you have to bear arms. 

Showing up to a town hall meeting with the President of the United States of America packing a semi-automatic is like doing shots til you puke...in your 30's.

I get it, in the beginning, when you're finally old enough to have the right to get drunk, you want to see how far you can push it. But then you grow the hell up. You move past embarrassing your friends, bed spins and sleeping with losers. 

Actually, sleeping with losers never gets old.

Just because you have the right to bear arms doesn't mean you have to bear arms. How insecure are you, pal? Does a black man in the white house scare you that much?

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"Oh no, there's a black man in the white house with a gorgeous wife and brilliant daughters. Oh no, it wasn't the intent of our wig wearing, slave-schtupping Founding Fathers." 

Sissy! 

Just because you have the right to bear arms doesn't mean you have to bear arms. It's like being afraid to walk down Halsted if you're straight. Honestly, pal, if you hate gay people, you really hate yourself for craving dick.

If you're packing heat at a town hall meeting, you really hate yourself for having a crush on Michelle Obama. Listen, we all have a crush on Michelle Obama. But instead of heat, be brave...try flowers.

Let me be clear, I hated George W. Bush. He offended me to the core. 

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Let me be clear, I want him arrested for war crimes. I want him tried for lying to the world about Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Listen-up, 2nd Amendment Sissies, watch as I take aim: with words.

I hated George W. Bush when he was president of the United States of America. I never wanted him in office. But even more, I never wanted him hurt. 

"President" is a temporary job, 4 maybe 8-years. 

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More than "President," I saw George Bush as the husband of Laura, the father of twins. 

Let's be honest, George W. Bush pretty much stole the white house. Unlike Barack Obama, who won the white house. 

Even if someone steals the white house, here's what you do: ride it out, 4 maybe 8-years. Big damn deal! You man up and ride it out, cowboy.

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How insecure are you? Just because you have the right to bear arms doesn't mean you have to bear arms.

If you want to point your gun at anyone, point it at yourself. Stroke the shaft. Tickle the trigger. 

Do the rest of us a favor, don't wait for approval from the Death Panel. Grab your sack, man up, and swallow. Salty, huh?

Just because you have the right to bear arms doesn't mean you have to bear arms: AK-47, AR-15, M16A2. 

If you know the difference between these guns, let me tell you something...you have Post Traumatic Stess Disorder.

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Stop fantasizing about the shaft of a gun, put on a pair of hot pants and take a stroll down Halsted. You'll find the shaft you've been dreaming about. 

AK-47, AR-15, M16A2 is nothing but 2nd Amendment Porn. Take your finger off the trigger, put on a sexy vest, and take a stroll down Halsted. 

There's much yummier places you put your finger. Trust me, the smell of gunpowder is nothing compared to the smell of man-love.

I figured out the problem with America. It can best be understood by comparing Chicago to New York. 

In New York, a few generations ago, the mayor convinced the good people of the great state of New York to go underground and build tunnels. In those tunnels, they laid the tracks to a subway system. It was a gift to the future. 

In Chicago, a few years ago, the mayor convinced the good people of the great state of Illinois to spend $23 Bazillion Dollars on Millennium Park, and a magic bean. 

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It was a gift to the moment. It had nothing to do with the future. If you want to know the problem with America, look into the bean and magically, you'll see the problem: it's the fool reflecting right back at you.

Just because you have the right to bear arms doesn't mean you have to bear arms. You wanna shoot? Shoot me a comment.

Bang!

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21 Comments

overlyprepared said:

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Mr. Morelli,

First, let me begin by introducing myself: I am a staunch Democrat that worked on the Obama campaign making phone calls, knocking on doors, and sending letters. I am an LGBT ally, an agnostic secular humanist, and a strong supporter of an individual's right to bear arms, as outlined in our nation's constitution.

Your article serves as an insult to both gun owners and the LGBT community, and those who fall into both camps, which there are many of. (Google "Pink Pistols", the gay gun club)

Your criticism of the man who brought a rifle to President Obama's visit is VERY MUCH warranted. I agree that it shows an adversarial, aggressive, inconsiderate, dangerous, and nearly criminal posturing toward our Commander in Chief. I agree that this individual's actions were beyond foolish, beyond stupid, and most certainly contemptible. However, your implications and acusations that gun owners and defenders of the 2nd amendment are closet homosexuals with repressed penal issues is juvenile, closed minded, and belittling.

The right to defend one's life is inalienable. This was the reasoning that the founding fathers of our country included the 2nd amendment and grammatically and syntactically phrased as it is written. It is a constitutional right and to politicize it as solely conservative is a grievous oversimplification.

That said, I reiterate that the individual who brought a weapon into such a close proximity of our President indeed made a poor decision. However, I encourage you to research a little further as from the photographs and media coverage the incident garnered, I believe the individual in question is of African-American heritage. That said, I find it difficult to believe his protest was in response to having a bi-racial president.

Finally, your charge that gun advocates suffer from PTSD is insulting. As someone who has dealt with the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and has had their life threatened, you are woefully uninformed on the kind of paradigm alteration that a person is forced to confront and the victim mentality that can persist for years afterward.

I close this by saying simply that you have no right to criticize and stereotype legal, responsible gun owners or self-defense advocates with broad generalizations and fact-less implications. I urge you to research the statistical findings related to gun ownership more closely for your next article.

Best regards,

overlyprepared

Greg Morelli said:

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Your comment serves as an insult to both gun owners and the LGBT community with a sense of humor. I recommend changing your name from overlyprepared to overlyserious.

Showing up to a town hall meeting with a semi-automatic has nothing to do with the so-called inalienable right to defend ones life. It's juvenile, close minded and belittling.

Which left me an opening. So I took aim, like a grown up: with words.

overlyprepared said:

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Mr. Morelli,

Please read my comment more closely, you'll find that I in no way condone this man's actions. In fact, I agree with you and entirely condemn them! This is a serious issue! Our President should not have to deal with irresponsible, militant, and aggressive behavior--EVER. I believe that the Secret Service should have, and had every right to arrest this man.

What I do take issue with is your vague generalities and stereotypes. Neither of which you, or your readers, seem to have addressed in the clever responses that have followed which include masturbation themed humor and insults.

Greg Morelli said:

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Nothing makes the point better than a jerk-off joke.

Joey Morelli said:

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Some people are so overlyprepared they sit in a forest and masterbate to the 2nd amendment forgetting you can see throught the trees.

Greg Morelli said:

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I can see you!

overlyprepared said:

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Sir, perhaps you should actually read my comment, instead of being insulting.

Greg Morelli said:

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Um, no.

vinvegas said:

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overly, you confuse me. (that may not be difficult, but please, help me understand). you referenced that not just the right wing ownes guns as there are gay gun owners. you also indicated that you, a gun owner, who might be gay, suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. yet you criticize the author for pointing out that gun owners have pent up homosexuality and that they suffer from PTSD. it seems like you are making greg's point for him. you just used too many words. i think that is want confused me.

Greg Morelli said:

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Too many words. Yes. Heard. Thank you.

By the way, I have PTSD from years of battling it out with my family.

overlyprepared said:

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My apologies, I know how difficult such a circumstance can be. Best of luck.

Greg Morelli said:

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It's okay. The food more than makes up for it.

overlyprepared said:

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I criticize the author for generalizations and playing up stereotypes. That said, I am not in fact a gun owner, I never said I was. I am in fact, a Constitutionalist Democrat, a straight-LGBT ally who has worked on "No on 8" and a strong Obama supporter. Mr. Morelli's point seems to imply that being gay is being a "sissy", being a gun owner/advocate makes you a repressed homosexual, and that guns are metaphorical for male genitalia.

I whole-heartedly agree with Mr. Morelli's condemnation of the man who brought the rifle to the event. Furthermore, I believe that this man showed poor judgment, a lack of patriotism, near-criminal aggressiveness and borderline treasonable behavior. However, calling all gun owners or 2nd amendment advocates "sissies" is unnecessary and inflammatory.

Regarding PTSD, many people who take self-defense training have suffered from some form of abuse or been the victim of intimidation, violence, or aggression. I myself used to work in the retail industry and once had my life threatened by a customer--"Never again." I began training in Krav Maga (an Israeli martial art developed in the 1960s) shortly there after.

As far as my wordiness goes? My apologies, but I try and present my political beliefs without the use of low-brow humor or insults.

Greg Morelli said:

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You misunderestimate the high-art of low-brow.

rainbow said:

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When i was living in spain, i announced to my roommates that there had been a shooting on a college campus - Northern Illinois. They were shocked. What is this? Is it a fad? I don't understand? What's going on there that kids are opening fire on schools???!!!!!

The answer was so obvious to them why there's so much violence - and by kids! It's a culture where literally anyone can get a hold of a gun, and with a lack of social support, why in some cases, does that seem to be the only answer?

Speaking of violence, how about the fact that they just revealed that the CIA was using drills to torture people in Guantanamo Bay? THANK YOU for releasing this information:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/23/cia.prisoner.report/index.html

So what can we do to get Eric Holder to investigate?

Greg Morelli said:

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The Los Angeles Times reported Attorney General Eric Holder is close to appointing a prosecuter to look into waterboarding. Now he has to add drilling to the embarrassing list of torture:

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-cia-interrogate9-2009aug09,0,34626.story

overlyprepared said:

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Yikes, That is indeed depressing.

Greg Morelli said:

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Yes, it is indeed depressing. And thank you for no longer calling me Mister. This blog is called Food Fight. Who has the time for being polite?

It's a simple game: throw, duck, laugh. Throw Again. Got it, overlyprepareddorkchop?

vinvegas said:

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Why should we be the last country to hold on to freedoms? Why should we be the last country not to torture? Why? Look, there was a strog worldwide move to the left. It started in the 60's and moved on through the 90's. It ended in a blowjob. The balcklash of the leftist move to harmony has left the world's populace under the heels of various "evil doers." There's no escape. There must me a secret passage way out of here. Probably not. We can scream all that we want. Nothings gonna stop them from chopping us up.

Greg Morelli said:

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Man Oh Man, a backlash blowjob sure sounds nice. Ah, spite...the only thing that lasts.

Tap Duncan said:

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I guess Wyatt Earp had it right, the wearing of guns in public should not be tolerated, and that was a long time ago, when everyone had a gun. That's the root cause of the OK Corral shootout. Seems the nutjobs need a history lesson, and BTW, I'm a liberal gun owner.

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