The Collective Unconscious of Restless Fanatics

Joakim Noah Doesn't Vacation in Cleveland

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Scott Stapp Returns: Marlins Will Soar

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Nothing like getting revved up for baseball season like Scott Stapp (formerly of Creed) belting out notes of a remake of one of his own previously released songs. Nothing like America's band, err singer, taking on America's sport.

The Best Day in Sports: The First Monday in April

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Typically this space is reserved for the Weak in Review on Monday's, but today I make an exception due the spectacular sports day at hand. There are a handful of days in sports which may qualify for the "best" sports day of the year: Super Bowl Sunday, Churchill Downs on the first Saturday in May, Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics, Game 7 of the World Series and the Daytona 500. 

But none, not one, rivals this day. Here are three reasons why today is the best sports day of this and every other year.

1) Opening Day
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This is the day every baseball fan has been waiting for since the Yankees recorded out 3 in the World Series last season.



 
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MLB 2010 Preview: The Things People Should Really Care About

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Opening day is just around the corner and the baseball prognosticators are out in full force with their weighty predictions. The talk is often a dizzying mess laced with superlatives. So rather than inventing my own uselessly exciting predictions (which are based on the utmost statistical data [beer+baseball+brunettes/Peter Gammons=perfection]). I give you, my 2010 MLB Preview.

1) The New Face to America's Game


Currently, the unanimous "face" of Major League Baseball is St. Louis Cardinals' slugger Albert Pujols. Beyond his prowess on the diamond, Pujols' persona is routinely applauded amongst fans, particularly Cardinals' fans, who admire his Christian, straight and narrow mentality.  But soon and very soon this will all change. 

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The Weak in Review: The John Calipari Edition

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Occasionally, we here at CURF are so blown away by a pathetic performance we cannot even fathom formulating an entire list.  Yes, some in the sports world completely overachieve amounts of suckage even we thought was possible.  Yes, Mr. Calipari, you have earned that distinction this week.  We applaud your efforts and for the first time in your life...you actually overachieved.

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Coach Cal, begging Huggy Bear for mercy during Saturday's Elite Eight Match-up.

I admit, you fooled even me, Coach Cal.  When the media questioned how your young freshmen would respond to the pressure-packed tournament environment, you shrewdly responded, "I'll take talent over experience any day."  With your roster chocked full of future NBA talent and your destruction of your first three opponents in the NCAA Tournament, I actually began to believe in the Kentucky Wildcats.    

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Best NFL Player by Jersey Number

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Not every number is represented.  Comment with who all I've missed!

1 - Jason Elam, K, Atlanta Falcons
2 - Matt Ryan, QB, Atlanta Falcons
3 - Mason Crosby, K, Green Bay Packers
4 - Bret Favre, QB, Minnesota Vikings
5 - Donovan McNabb, QB, Philadelphia Eagles
6 - Jay Cutler, QB Chicago Bears
7 - Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Pittsburgh Steelers
8 - Matt Schaub, QB, Houston Texans
9 - Drew Brees, QB, New Orleans Saints
10 - Desean Jackson, WR, Philadelphia Eagles
11 - Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona Cardinals
12 - Tom Brady, QB, New England Patriots
13 - Johnnie Knox, WR, Chicago Bears
14 -
15 - Brandon Marshall, WR, Denver Broncos
16 - Josh Cribbs, WR/KR, Cleveland Browns
17 - Philip Rivers, QB, San Diego Chargers
18 - Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis Colts
19 - Miles Austin, WR, Dallas Cowboys
20 - Ed Reed, S, Baltimore Ravens
21 - Charles Woodson, CB, Green Bay Packers
22 - Asante Samuel, CB, Philadelphia Eagles
23 - Ronnie Brown, RB, Miami Dolphins
24 - Darrelle Revis, CB, New York Jets
25 - Ryan Grant, RB, Green Bay Packers
26 - Clinton Portis, RB Washington Redskins
27 - Ray Rice, RB, Baltimore Ravens
28 - Chris Johnson, RB, Tennessee Titans
29 - Joseph Addai, RB Indianapolis Colts
30 - Cortland Finnegan, CB, Tennessee Titans
31 - Jairus Byrd, S, Buffalo Bills
32 - Maurice Jones Drew, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars
33 - Michael Turner, RB, Atlanta Falcons
34 - DeAngelo Williams, RB, Carolina Panthers
35 - Zachary Bowman, CB, Chicago Bears
36 - Nick Collins, S, Green Bay Packers
37 - Yeremiah Bell, S, Miami Dolphins
38 - Danieal Manning, S, Chicago Bears
39 - Steven Jackson, RB, St. Louis Rams
40 -
41 - Terrance Newman, CB, Dallas Cowboys
42 - Darren Sharper, S, New Orleans Saints
43 - Troy Polamalu, S, Pittsburgh Steelers
44 - Dallas Clark, TE, Indianapolis Colts
45
46 - Jon Dorenbos, LS, Philadelphia Eagles
47 - Chris Cooley, TE, Washington Redskins
48 -
49 - Tony Richardson, FB, New York Jets
50 - Curtis Lofton, LB, Atlanta Falcons
51 - Jonathan Vilma, LB, New Orleans Saints
52 - Patrick Willis, LB, San Francisco 49ers
53 - Keith Bullock, LB, Tennessee Titans
54 - Brian Urlacher, LB, Chicago Bears
55 - Lance Briggs, LB, Chicago Bears
56 - Lamarr Woodley, LB, Pittsburgh Steelers
57 - Bart Scott, LB New York Jets
58 - Gary Brackett, LB Indianapolis Colts
59 - London Fletcher, LB Washington Redskins
60 - Shaun O'Hara, C, New York Giants
61 -
62
63 - Jeff Saturday, C, Indianapolis Colts
64
65
66 - Alan Faneca, G, New York Jets
67 -
68 - Kevin Mawae, C Tennessee Titans
69 - Jared Allen, DE, Minnesota Vikings
70 - Logan Mankins, G, New England Patriots
71 - Jason Peters, T, Philadelphia Eagles
72 - Osi Umenyiora, DE, New York Giants
73 - Jahri Evans, G, New Orleans Saints
74 - Nick Mangold, C, New York Jets
75 - Vince Wilfork, NT, New England Patriots
76 - Steve Hutchinson, G, Minnesota Vikings
77 - Kris Jenkins, NT, New York Jets
78 - Ryan Clady, T, Denver Broncos
79 - Raheem Brock, DE, Indianapolis Colts
80 - Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans
81 - Randy Moss, WR, New England Patriots
82 - Jason Witten, TE, Dallas Cowboys
83 - Wes Welker, WR, New England Patriots
84 - Roddy White, WR, Atlanta Falcons
85 - Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego Chargers
86 - Hines Ward, WR, Pittsburgh Steelers
87
88
89 - Steve Smith, WR, Carolina Panthers
90 - Julius Peppers, DE, Chicago Bears
91 - Justin Tuck, DE, New York Giants
92 - Albert Haynesworth, DT, Washington Redskins
93 - Dwight Freeney, DE, Indianapolis Colts
94 - DeMarcus Ware, LB, Dallas Cowboys
95 - Tully Banta-Cain, LB, New England Patriots
96 -
97
98 - Casey Hampton, NT, Pittsburgh Steelers
99 -

New Jersey Nets: 11 Games To History

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

If you're anything like me, you love seeing history made.  Fortunately, I've grown up in an era where more and more records are being broken.  I've watched Usain Bolt smash the World Record in the 100m and 200m races.  I've watched Barry Bonds break Hank Aaron's all-time home run record.  I've watched Tom Brady shatter single-season passing records on the way to the greatest season from a QB in NFL history. 

Unfortunately, the increased usage of steroids fells more records than the sports gods would prefer.  But this NBA season, we may all be witnesses, Nike style, to history.  With 11 games remaining the New Jersey Nets are now an abysmal 8-63, after a blowout victory over the Sacramento Kings last night.  That places them exactly one win away from tying the 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers for all-time worst record.   

Everyone remember this event from just days ago.  Highly indicative of how their season has unfolded.

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Brett Yorkman, Nets CEO, doesn't believe in free speech.



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The Best Thing About the NCAA Tournament: Gus Johnson

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

No need for any explanation.

Click here and Enjoy


This should also tide you over through the dreadful wait for the Tournament next season.

Joe Mauer Gets Contract Extension: Is He Worth A-Rod Coin?

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

If you hadn't heard, Joe Mauer, star catcher of the Minnesota Twins and reigning American League MVP got paid yesterday.  When I say, "got paid," I don't mean a nice, neat contract extension that will assure him a comfortable living in the Twin Cities for the rest of his career.  I mean a whopper of a deal that could wreak havoc on the contracts of some of baseball's major stars over the next few years. 

Mauer's contract extension totals $184 million dollars over an eight-year period.  Not a bad chunk of change for a 26-year old kid with only one season of superstardom under his belt.  Just in case you were wondering, he'll be making approximately $10 million more next season than the consensus best player in the league, Albert Pujols.

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Joe Mauer, a hometown hero, became one of the highest paid players in MLB yesterday. But is he worth the coin?


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The Weak in Review: Kansas Jayhawks, Naismith Finalists, and My Brackets crack the list

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

It's that time of the week again, when we honor the most hapless performances from the previous week.  In the words of the noble poet Geoffrey Chaucer from the underrated movie "A Knight's Tale" (R.I.P. Heath), "You have been weighed, you have been measured... and you have been found wanting."

1) Kansas Jayhawks

First off, all credit to Northern Iowa, who earned a lot of fans through their relentless effort in this upset. A couple weeks ago I dished my thoughts on Kansas big Cole Aldrich, who despite being as ugly as he is and missing a tooth, is still the least menacing big in the NCAA in my humble opinion.

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AJ Ogilvy's bangs run a close 2nd to Aldrich in the Barbie Big men competition.

It seems as if my comments were quasi-justified after this weekend with the well-publicized loss of the tournament's No. 1 team to a little team from the Midwest that a lot of people didn't think would make it past the first round.  Aldrich played decently (13 pts., 10 boards), but his counterpart, a combination of bigs including Jordan Eglseder, and Jake and Adam Koch, accounted for 32 points and 12 boards.  Aldrich left the game late in the 2nd half with a sprained ankle, which is unfortunate, because he may have had a chance to change my opinion. 

But the loss cannot fall squarely upon him.  Sherron Collins (more on him later) played miserably.  In fact, the entire team looked lethargic and uninterested until the waning minutes.  Mind you, this is one of the most talented and experienced teams in the entire field, and they played like the Looney Tunes in the first half against the Monstars.  Maybe Northern Iowa did abduct the powers of Charles Barkley, Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, Shawn Bradley and Patrick Ewing, but Kansas didn't have a Stan Podolak to go snooping around and discover their cheating.

The fact is, Kansas came in unprepared and arrogant.  There's no excuse.  We expect that attitude from a youth-laden Kentucky team (who dominated).  But this team with championship experience, senior guard play and supposedly one of the best bigs in the tourney looked like they had never been there before.  Welcome to the Weak, Jayhawks.  
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The Weak in Review: NCAA Selection Committee

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Today we honor the most uninspiring, awe-inducing, pathetic performances from the past week in the world of sports.  Not only am I unimpressed with your efforts, I believe it deserves commendation in written form.  And only one thing stands out that could possibly earn a spot on the Weak.  Today, we fix our gaze on the hapless, inexplicable NCAA Tournament Selection Committee.

Wherever shall we start?  For as much griping as we witness on a yearly basis about the atrocities of the BCS, I'm not so sure that the Selection Committee doesn't rival their inexplicable decisions.  For all its faults, at least the BCS is mostly built off of unbiased mathematical formulas.  And the Selection Committee process?  Your guess is as good as mine.  We know there are certain automatic bids, but what about the at-large bids?  Well, certainly RPI is considered in some fashion, but what else?  We really have nothing to go off of for how they decide.  I personally haven't the slightest idea what makes Minnesota (an 11 seed, 62nd RPI) more impressive than Mississippi State (who didn't get in, 55 RPI).  But I do have the sneaking suspicion it has something to do with money.


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The NCAA Tournament Selection Committee. Don't be fooled by the numbers. Those are their options for their post-selection dinner. Choice 1: Budweiser. Choice 2: Blue Moon.






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David Justice and My Love Affair With Sports

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

The deeper entrenched my love for sports becomes, the more aware I am of the ongoing narrative which shapes the stories, the moments, the records, the numbers and the legends I have come to love so dearly.  Like any good stance on history, every sports moment should be considered in proper context.  However, the lines of context become muddled when personal attachment becomes involved and what may be deemed monumental by one fan is irrelevant to another.  This is part of the glory of sport.  The moments we can all share with one another, whether in joy or in grief, can also be wholly unimportant to the fans of another team or citizens of another country.

Each fan cherishes their own unique moments.  For some, Kirk Gibson's 1988 World Series home run is the moment they fell in love with baseball. 
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A hobbled Gibson hit the most improbable of homeruns off the most dominant pitcher of the time, Dennis Eckersley.

Or maybe it was the 4th inning of the Atlanta Braves and Los Angeles Dodgers game on April 8th, 1974, when Hank Aaron smashed the home run that broke Babe Ruth's immortal record.

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Aaron's 715th homerun broke a record many believed would stand forever.

 

Perhaps it was the 1980 Miracle on Ice, lead by coach Herb Brooks, as the Americans defeated hockey superpower the Soviets in the semi-finals and eventually claimed USA Hockey Gold.

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The Miracle on Ice is perhaps as important to sports history as it was to social climate at the time.

For you and I these moments will likely be different, but no less memorable or important indeed.

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Excuse Me, What's That You Say, Milton Bradley?

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

In case you missed it yesterday evening, here's the interview with Milton Bradley openly deriding Chicagoans and his supposed "mistreatment" during his brief but tumultuous stay:





Three years, $30 million dollars.  That's the cheese the Cubs churned out to ink Bradley, hoping he'd bring an explosive bat to their offense.  His struggles in Chicago are well documented, and his past transgressions speak for themselves.  But the trouble I'm having is making any sense of this interview.    
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The Weak in Review: Big Ben, A.I., Artest and Sid the Kid

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

This week's version of the Weak in Review is dedicated to athletes who chose to make poor decisions in their personal lives which I have deemed overwhelmingly weak!  So without further ado, here are your reigning champions.

1) Big Ben Roethlisberger

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Big Ben doing what he does best: wooing the ladies.


Really, Mr. Roethlisberger, really?  Honestly, I make it a habit to be fashionably disinterested in the personal lives of our beloved athletes.  To me their celebrity status doesn't give me a free pass into their personal lives, and if you are really going to use the role model excuse, I cannot help you.  But when I do become interested is when legal barriers are crossed that could affect their on-field performance. 

Mr. Roethlisberger is an interesting case, to say the least.  On the one hand, he's the QB that plays more like a linebacker with equal parts down-to-earth jock and gritty leader.  On the other hand he's the reckless motorcycle wrecking, and now two-times accused rapist.  These personality traits seem more like oil and water than peanut butter and jelly.   
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The Monsters of the Midway... return?

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.



As I strolled into the lobby of my building this evening, I struck up a brief conversation with my winsome doorman, Patrick, an Irish-American who loves exactly what you'd expect an Irish-American to love: beer. 

"What do you think of the moves today?" I ask.
"What do I think of them?  It's desperate," he responds.
"Yeah..."
"Too old, too much money... they are just trying to please the fans."

That's one Bears fan who could see right through the facade.  I couldn't have said it much better myself.  But I'm going to try.

The theme of the day for the Chicago Bears was Monopoly.  And Chicago was the Free Parking space on the board when it came to free agents today.  You weren't going to land here without the Bears giving you everything under the space (or in this case, everything they could afford).  

Gallery sneak peek (3 images):

View the gallery...
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Hack-a-Shaq Bites, Brittney Griner Bites Back

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

In case you missed it, Baylor Bears women's basketball star Brittney Griner did her best Joe Louis impersonation Wednesday night:

Griner is just the latest victim to the drive-by shooting defensive philosophy commonly referred to as "Hack-a-Shaq."  Griner's Jack Johnsonesque right earned immediate ejection, of course, and word is she may not only be suspended the next game, but the entire Big 12 Women's tourney.  But does the punishment fit the crime?


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Club Trillion and Why Mark "The Shark" Titus is the Coolest Basketball Player in the NCAA

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Mark Titus is one bad mother f$*%er!  You might be asking yourself, "Who the hell is Mark Titus?"  It's not an entirely unreasonable question.  Mark Titus is 15th man for this year's Ohio State Buckeyes basketball team.  By 15th I mean he is the last guy off the bench in every situation, which often means he doesn't come off the bench at all.  That's right, he's a bench warmer.  But Mark Titus is no lazy bum.  No, he's just one cool ass dude.

I submit this video as evidence:

      
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The Weak in Review: Aldrich, Howard and Canada, oh my!

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Every Monday this space will be dedicated to reviewing the week's most uninspiring, unathletic, unwatchable performances from the world of sports.  As such it shall be aptly titled as, "The Weak in Review."  Brace yourself for a series of pathetic performances.

1) Cole Aldrich


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Cole Aldrich, looking infinitely more menacing than he actually plays.


The stage was set this weekend for Kansas to make a clear statement regarding who the No. 1 team in the country actually is heading into March.  Tennessee toppled Kentucky earlier in the day.  They had the prime national TV game on Saturday afternoon on CBS for all the world to see.  However, Kansas and their supposedly stud big man, Aldrich, totally flopped.  They spent the better half of the game getting blown away as an injured James Anderson went all William "D-Fens" Foster on them.  But this spot is reserved for you Mr. Aldrich.  Mr. "I had no influence on the game whatsoever."  Mr. "6'11 245 pounds of I don't exert myself." Mr. "I get pushed around by smaller guys who actually try."  Aldrich finished with 11 points and just five rebounds against a team which typically rolls with a four guard lineup and whose tallest player is only 6'8.  Absolutely pathetic.  In the last week of February, the best teams will assert themselves, and the best players on the best teams should really begin to put their teams on their back for the stretch run.  But not Aldrich.  Nope, he played 24 minutes of passive, bland, weak basketball, and his team got out-rebounded, out-played and most importantly, out-scored.

2) Dwight Howard


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Dwight Howard, Halloween is the only chance he'll ever actually get to be Superman.


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ESPN: We Love Thee Because We Have To

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Whether you like ESPN or not, you are an unwilling citizen in their current autocratic rule.  You want the latest summary of the Olympics?  You better flip it on to ESPN because NBC is airing the Office right now.  You want to hear about the upcoming baseball season?  If you can't afford to shell out the extra cash for the MLB network, you'll have to settle for the SOL Network, ESPN. 

Unfortunately we live in a world where the sports information we crave is heavily censored by a Caligulian powerhouse which seeks only to tell us the story they want us to hear.  Damn the truth in the name of ESPN, the company which holds our prized athletics by the balls. 

In fact, ESPN's coverage worsens by the year, and their ballyhooed "experts" spew more fluff and ungrounded, irrational opinions than anything you could find in a twenty-minute Glenn Beck segment.  Those who question their authority are like citizens who didn't support George W. Bush - labeled "unAmerican" or "anti-Democratic."  
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The 7 Immutable Laws of the Sports World

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Over my past several posts I've mentioned the "laws" of the sports world.  You've probably wondered where such a law book could be accessed and what laws were included.  Alas, for your reading pleasure, I have translated the ancient stone tablets into one glorious blog post. 

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Sports fans cowering at the immortality of the law.



1) You Shall Have No Other Gods Before Me (during the game)

This is the first, and most serious, request of the sports gods.  You may have come to believe that your wife, children, parents, grandparents, job, or health are actually more important than a present sports event.  You have been deceived.  As Verbal Kint reminded us, "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist."  Those things are merely a distraction from the truly important aspect of life.  Keep your eyes on the prize.

2) You Shall Love Good (your Team) and Loathe Evil (the opponents)

It should be explained these laws are living and open to interpretation.  In this case the gods insist that you shall guard your heart with a fierce love of team while blanketing your enemy with vitriolic protest foul enough to offend Howard Stern.

3) You Shall Imbibe, Frequently

Sports and alcohol were married in a beautiful chapel inside Mickey Mantle's liver and though they ignite more enmity than Jon and Kate Gosselin, the gods have deemed this acceptable.

4) You Shall Not Admire Any Saint greater than the Gods

As I detailed yesterday, Saints (superstars) will come and go and very few will obtain passage to godhood (such as Michael Jordan), therefore you shall not admire them above the game itself.



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Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow: Wishing Superstars a Good Morrow

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

In the past two days, two formerly elite, now aging and injury-prone running backs, met their ends with the teams where they budded into superstardom.  LaDainian Tomlinson and Brian Westbrook were both released by the San Diego Chargers and Philadelphia Eagles respectively.  And just as quickly and miraculously as they appeared, their careers are now in the twilight years.  Their successes only a vapor more than likely over-shadowed by the inability of their teams to get over the hump and win a coveted championship.  Such are the laws of the sports world.

In the long run people will remember LT's 2003 campaign, which ranks among the greatest single-season efforts ever recorded by any NFL running back, as well as his 31 total TDs in 2006.  People will remember Brian Westbrook's stellar 2007 season and his TD against the Patriots in the Superbowl in 2004.  But they will be remembered as flat names in a history book, not Zeus and Apollo between hash marks.   

Both will be known as versatile threats on offense that can run, catch and block with the best of them.  Hell, they may even latch on somewhere and win a championship.  But for all intents and purposes their time in superstarland is over.
     
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Social Networking the Ruin of Athletes?

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, you name it, these are just a few of the most popular social networking options available today.  Just about everyone you know has a profile on at least one of the free services.  You probably shed a tear when you realized your mother and grandmother figured out how to make one.  They can read my offensive status updates!?  This is no different for athletes, many of which, like Chad Ochocinco, have created a phenomenon with their followings.  As sports fans we yearn for the most personal connection we can experience with our favorite athletes, and the capability to interact with them via a social networking service only fuels that sensation.  Yet, this very sensation is beginning to have an ugly affect on the landscape of the sports world.

Over the weekend Oregon WR Jamere Holland posted a couple of inflammatory remarks to his facebook profile, pictured below:

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Holland's remarks were rewarded with dismissal from the team.


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America, You are Just Another Tiger Woods Mistress

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

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Tiger offers an apology to the press and fans, but why?

The silence is finally broken.  Today, February 19th, 2010, three months after Tiger Woods' embarrassing car accident and the ensuing marital issues which came to light, he finally spoke to the media.  After weeks of highly anticipated revelations regarding the latest femme fatale on Tiger's exhaustive extra-marital list and the embarrassing and torrid text messages which accompanied them, today revealed the biggest courtesan of them all.  It's you, America.

Yes, America, the biggest Tiger Woods whore of them all.  This open relationship began in August of 1996 when Tiger became a professional golfer.  At that point, you, as American golf fans, entered into a mutual agreement with Mr. Woods.  He would share his golfing prowess with you, and you would share your adulation with him. 

When Tiger won the Masters in 1997, you delighted in his celebratory fist pump.  When his father passed and Tiger won the 2006 Open Championship, you remember his weeping tribute.  You pumped fists and shed tears with the man who you loved so dearly and who loved you back so well.  This was the agreement, and the agreement was good.  He plays golf well, and you applaud.  He plays it poorly, and you encourage.  You didn't offer to divulge personal details of your lives to him, and he didn't to you.  So why is it now, after his familial problems come to light, you are suddenly betraying your agreement with Mr. Woods?      
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The New Orleans Saints Super Bowl Victory: It's More than a Game

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Dan Davis

An artisan wordsmith with a gift for saying absolutely nothing using an abundance of characters.

"It's just a game."  I've heard this anthem sung repeatedly throughout my life.  Typically, such a statement follows failure.  It is a paltry attempt at trivializing the sometimes irrational emotions born from loss.  It is the vicodin administered by those who wish to ignore their true feelings and hope for an instantaneous numbness.  Rather than delving into the pain and seeking healing, they rationalize, like a cheater justifying his/her actions based on their dissatisfaction with their spouse.  It is an answer that is really no answer at all. 

If it really is just a game, then why do sports engender such tremendous emotional involvement?  Why do we pull our hair out when Jay Cutler throws his 4th interception or proceed to binge drink when our favorite college football team suffers their 1st loss?  Is it just an unhealthy obsession with a meaningless activity?   After all, as fans we have zero control over what Lovie Smith or Peyton Manning or Kobe Bryant actually do.  Yet, we feel entitled to their performance, and their failure becomes our failure.  Their loss, our loss.  Their victory, our victory.  Perhaps our beloved games aren't merely just games.  No, there is something distinctly more significant about being a fan.

Sports is the greatest form of escapism ever created.  There is no other environment which offers a blend of passion, unity, intellect, art and violence in a single format.  There is no other world where we live as vicariously as we do through our athletes.  There is no other community where another man's failures are taken as seriously as that of the sports fans'.  But what does that mean, to be a fan?   


      
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