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Alex Quigley

Former rock DJ, currently a multipurpose Chicago media guy.

Whoopee! The Crosstown Classic now has a trophy associated with it, along with a shiny new corporate sponsor. If there are only two words that could describe Chicago's rich and passionate baseball tradition, surely they are "British" and "Petroleum".

I get that money is money, Messrs. Reinsdorf and Ricketts, but couldn't you have done this with a more Chicagocentric sponsor? Carson's Ribs? Victory Auto Wreckers? The Moo & Oink Chitlins Bucket would seem so much more authentic.

But I don't have a problem with yet another corporate tie-in intruding upon our fair national pastime. Nay, I say the BP Crosstown Classic Brought To You By Jewel-Osco needs even more sponsorship. Check it:

·          "Been Caught Stealing", where the catcher who throws out the most baserunners wins $10K from ADT Home Security Systems.

·          "Life Moves Slower Here", sponsored by the San Pedro de Macoris Board of Tourism. The player with the most lackadaisical approach to fielding wins a 4-year, $72M vacation.

·         "Crosstown Long Ball", where the player who hits the longest homer during the series wins a lifetime supply of product from the contest's sponsor, ExtenZe All-Natural Male Supplements.

·         A very dramatic and emotional Lifetime Achievement Award presented to A.J. Pierzynski by the award's sponsor, Summer's Eve.

And I think the Cup itself isn't enough motivation for the players to win the Classic. In addition to the trophy, the winning team should receive:

·         Right of first refusal to buy seats on the glass for Blackhawks games. (It'll be the only ticket that matters for the next few years, anyway.)

·         A 30-minute head start on Rush Street every Friday and Saturday night for the remainder of the summer.

·         Rights to claim Sammy Sosa's "good years".

Oh, and the losers still get paid millions of dollars to play baseball.

I'd now like to announce that my blog is now brought to you by Sony PlayStation 3, Bacardi Silver, Ducati Motorcycles, PokerStars.com and the Hanalei Bay Hilton Spa & Resort in Kauai, Hawaii.

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