The Difficulties of my Ongoing Conversion

The most difficult part of ongoing conversion is admitting that we really are sinners and allowing God to see and forgive us as we are, with all our faults unmended and all our flaws showing, especially the ones over which we seem to have no control. – Today’s Magnificat

I have a tendency to be a grudge holder.  I cling to the perception of the wrong-doing a person my have done to me.  I learned from the best:  my mother.

But now I’m learning to let go:  from my three children.  “Mom, let it go!,” any one of them might say.  It’s startling to hear it.  I should be teaching them, but now that they are adults, they now teach me.

Where did they learn it from?  Their dad.  And why haven’t I learned it from him?  I have no idea.

Nothing bothers my husband.  He is the proverbial duck letting the water roll off his back.  When you are the oldest of six kids, you learn that lesson well.  He seems to be immune to any injustices.

My husband and I attended a Lenten seminar last year and all were invited to come to the altar and spend time forgiving someone.  My husband went up there, but admitted to me he had nothing to forgive anyone!  How is that even possible?

Admitting my sin is easy.  Having no control and acknowledging that God does is a lot harder.  And my worth and value gets all tied up into it too.

My “conversion” never stops.

Judge your worth and value by what God says about you in His Word, not by how somebody else treats you. (Ephesians 2:4-10)

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