Is it hatred to ban homosexuals from marrying? I read a lot of articles that say it is, comparing it to the ban on interracial marriage from before the 1960’s.
Does the hatred of people lead us to limit their rights? It is interesting that North Carolina passed the ban on gay marriage (or if you don’t like the word “gay,” same-sex marriage). The majority of people voted that marriage should be between a man and a woman.
But is that hatred?
I come from an era (early 1970’s) where homosexuals had one foot in the closet and the other tentatively out in society. There were a few who came out to close friends, but rarely even to their own families. One guy told me that he would NEVER tell his parents.
It was also a time of random sex and AIDS was ten years into the future. The attitude was that if you picked up a disease, it was easily cured with creams and pills. No big deal.
The homosexuals I knew, led two lives. They went to all the heterosexual parties alone. Their night didn’t start until much later and they rarely talked about it. The only “significant” others in their lives were “significant” for right now. It was a time when one-night stands were the norm regardless of your sexual orientation.
I worked with a homosexual man a couple of years ago. He came from a large Catholic family. He had lived with a much older man for most of his life. They had a brutal and messy breakup. He left his gorgeous home that he had built with his partner with just the clothes on his back.
One day we were talking about his lifestyle. At this stage in his life, he was truly starting over. He would joke about having sex first to see if the other man was “date-worthy.” He was also going back to the creative things he loved that his partner never allowed him to do.
He was funny, charming, outspoken and didn’t seem to mind that I was a practicing Catholic.
We never talked about him possibly getting married one day. After a twenty year relationship, I don’t think that was something he was looking for.
In one swoop, everything changed. He got fired from his job, he got sick and he died. When I heard about what happened, I was stunned. Every door of new opportunities seemed to be opening for him. He was happy and vibrant. We had a great time working together. How could he just be … gone?
I cared about him a lot and I still think about him to this day. I didn’t hate him. I just didn’t think that if he wanted to spend another twenty years with someone else, it shouldn’t be called marriage.