Category: Love

Grieving Love with Intention

I took this picture the night before Mike’s 34th birthday. He fell asleep holding my hand. It’s two months today that Mike has been gone. Dead. Insert euphemism of choice here. Sometimes it feels like it’s been forever. And sometimes a card comes in the mail from somebody I don’t know and I pull my... Read more »

Gifts from my Husband

Gifts from my Husband
My husband’s ashes are in a very nice box on my mantle. I never expected to be the sort of person who said things like that. My husband’s ashes are in a very nice box, on my mantle, and it’s becoming a little bit of a memorial. His cousin sent him a Dad-Joke-A-Day calendar, and... Read more »

A Eulogy for My Husband, Michael Thomas Grover

A Eulogy for My Husband, Michael Thomas Grover
Everything I needed to know about Mike, I learned on our first date. He took the train from Evanston for dinner at my apartment, a tiny studio on the worst corner in the worst neighborhood he’d ever set foot in. We’d been talking online for months, exchanging long letters about everything and nothing. We wrote... Read more »
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The End

The End
Just after midnight on Sunday morning, my husband died. I’m struggling to say that word, “died.” It seems harsh. Too brutal. There are so many euphemisms, “passed,” “departed,” “transitioned.” They all try to hide the horror we all seem to have at the idea of death. But Mike wouldn’t have wanted that. He wasn’t afraid... Read more »

Waiting for the End

Waiting for the End
I have, over the last fourteen years, had many feelings about Mike’s inevitable death. Terror, anger, confusion, grief… What I never expected was to spend his last weeks overcome with gratitude. I have lost count of the things I am grateful for, and all of them come down to what I know about glioblastoma and... Read more »

On Mike Ending Treatment

On Mike Ending Treatment
This letter took me weeks of drafting, rewriting, waiting on changes from Mike, waiting on any kind of confirmation from appointments and scans… This is the most difficult thing I have ever written, and the thing I may be proudest of having gotten right. I am sharing it here because I think there is something... Read more »
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The Grover Annual Holiday Letter

The Grover Annual Holiday Letter
To our family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and assorted well-wishers, Last year at this time we were looking forward to what we believed was the end of a difficult trial for the Grover family. Mike was on the mend, focused on transitioning back to work. Lea was preparing for surgery that was expected to end many... Read more »

When All You Have Is Time

When All You Have Is Time
Imagine a wave… I am twenty, and a behemoth of a man has entered my apartment. He is tentative, awkward. Not at all smooth, not suave, not confident, but smiling bravely. I can see I terrify him, although he outweighs me by a hundred pounds, although he’s a foot taller. He tries not to offend... Read more »

The Inevitability of Hope and Change

The Inevitability of Hope and Change
I am standing beside my daughter’s bed, having a serious talk about school. She has no idea what her math homework is. She has no idea where her math homework is. She doesn’t pay attention in class, instead, she watches the students’ chats go by, which are silly and confusing. “One of the boys just... Read more »
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100 Ways to Die, or, Kids and Glioblastoma in the Age of Coronavirus

100 Ways to Die, or, Kids and Glioblastoma in the Age of Coronavirus
When the twins were babies, there was a tornado outbreak across Illinois, Iowa, and Indiana. For weeks the local news cycled back to it, and I remember vividly a story about the children of demolished towns playing “tornado” with their toys, making sense of a world full of chaos and destruction by turning it into a... Read more »