As you might know from the pro-black memes that start circulating every year on February 1st, Black History Month was founded by Carter G Woodson in 1926. The month of February was selected for this celebration of Black history in honor of Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln, who were both born in that month. (Feel free to inform Donald Trump of this fact, word on the street is he isn’t too well versed on Fredrick Douglass…)
Black History Month is not only for African American people, but its also a great opportunity for people of all races to shut up and let us be great. Every year since 2011, I have published an an annual Black History Month Article. One year is was featured on The View. Another year it went viral, which somehow resulted in me being banned from Facebook for a month. But every year, no matter what, there is always one outcome that I can rely on… pissed off white folks. During the 11 White History Months, I promise to be more culturally sensitive. But, in the spirit of racial harmony, I have written this helpful blog that details the 10 things that will cause me to break up with my white friends during Black History Month:
- Calling it National African American History Month.
This fuck boy Donald Trump did not just change black history month to African American history month….
— YG (@YG) February 2, 2017
This might come as a surprise to some non-black people, but surprisingly, not all black people are African American! That’s shocking, right? So you might understand why people were so pissed when Donald Trump signed an order to rename this celebratory month to something he thought was more politically correct. If you are my white friend, please do not let me catch you using this term to describe Black History Month, or our affiliation will be immediately canceled.
- Doing a bad job of overdrawing your lips.
As a Black girl, I understand how amazing it is to have full, plump lips. But if you are gonna overdraw your lips to achieve that look, you better do it right. You are not about to be out here making me look crazy for being friends with you during Black History Month. You’d better get acquainted with NikkieTutorials and learn how to do it right. Or else I just don’t know where this friendship is going.
- Participating in anything that is in favor of the “Alt-Right.
You do know these fools think their white identity is under attack because of diversity, interracial dating, and Beyonce, right? You can talk about freedom of speech all you want. But me let catch your ass sympathizing with the Baby Nazi’s and I promise your Alt-Right love with have me pressing Control-Alt-Delete on our friendship.
- Not recognizing the true originators of slicked own baby hair.
I have said it before and I will say it again. Unless you grew up with a special toothbrush designated for the use of gelling down your edges, you do not belong to the tribe of people who originated the laying down of baby hair. You can stylize your edges all you want. But if I see my white friends pretending you were inspired by Kylie Jenner or Katy Perry, I have to break up with you.
- Taking up for Tomi Lahren.
If you happen to be a fan of Hitler Barbie, that is your personal business. I am not gonna disown you just for having bad taste. But Black History Month means you are not allowed to be an apologist for a chick who is angry that angry people don’t recognize that white people are the only ones allowed to be angry. If you can’t see that this chick is a millennial puppet whose strings are being pulled by people twice her age to attack the “liberal agenda,” you crazy. And that’s fine. But keep that crazy to yourself during Black History Month white friends, or I’m dumping you.
- Being Pro-Wall.
What does The Wall have to do with Black History Month? Allow me to explain. If you are one of those people who think it is a good idea to build a wall between the US and Mexico, that means you are either dumb, xenophobic, or racist. And during Back History Month ain’t nobody got time for that. Don’t test me, white homies.
- Acting like “The Dashiki” just got invented.
No you will not call it a “Tribal trimmed mini dress” or “Ethnic vintage festival top.” No will you not refer to is as the hottest new “it-item” to add to your spring wardrobe. If you are bold enough to wear it, then be bold enough to call it a dashiki. Or I’m sorry… this friendship just isn’t gonna work out. This isn’t me being the fashion police. This is me not wanting to be affiliated with basic bitches.
- Supporting the Muslim Ban.
So what you are telling me is simply being Muslim is enough to have someone be a suspected terrorist in America? Ummm… if that’s the case you probably don’t know much about the history of Christianity in these United States. The KKK isn’t atheist, boo. If you happen to let it be known that you think it’s a great idea to ban muslims during Black History Month, I am going to ban you. Permanently.
- Act like cultural appropriation isn’t a thing.
I recent article in the observer titled “I’ve Learned This the Hard Way: There’s No Such Thing as Cultural Appropriation” made a point of highlighting a sentence that read “To claim cultural appropriation is to claim your group is above the mixing and influence happening when cultures meet.” Which is kinda funny, because it means they missed the entire point of why appropriation hurts. When you pretend a particular people did not contribute valuable things to society, you make it much easier to devalue those people. Don’t even get me started. Acting like appropriation does not exist will get you fired from your job as my friend during Black History Month.
- Not knowing that Fredrick Douglass is dead.
Trump just described Frederick Douglass as “someone who has done a terrific job that is being recognized by more and more people”
— David Frum (@davidfrum) February 1, 2017
Not knowing who Fredrick Douglass is bad enough. Educate yourself. But if you are so far removed from the history of great Black people in America that you think Fredrick Douglass is still alive, then we can’t be friends. Not just during Black History Month, but ever. If I see you on the street I’m gonna act like I don’t know you. If you speak to me I’m gonna say “Pardon me, but I think you have me confused with somebody else.”
I appreciate your full compliance with these ten rules during Black History Month, White friends and affiliates! And for those of you who are currently drowning in white tears or feeling an uncontrollable amount of hurt in your butt, feel free to leave me a comment. It just gives me more to talk about in NEXT year’s Black History Month blog.
- 10 things my White friends BETTER NOT ruin during Black History Month
- 10 things my White friends aren’t allowed to lie about during Black History Month
- 10 things my White friends can’t do on social media during Black History Month
- 10 things my White friends BETTER NOT discuss during Black History Month
- 10 things my White Friends should do for me during Black History Month
- 10 things my White friends aren’t allowed to do during Black History Month
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