Black History Month is a time for everyone to celebrate the contributions that African Americans have made to the world. It presents a rare opportunity for my friends of different ethnicities (particularly the White ones) to shut up and focus on the greatness of MY heritage for a change. For the past 5 years, I have done a Black History Month blog every February. Sometimes it results in awesome things happening, such as being featured on The View. And sometimes the results are less awesome, like getting banned from Facebook for a month. Nevertheless, this humble little indie recording artist feels it her duty to honor this special time of the year. So in the spirit of Black Excellence, here are 10 things that my White friends better not ruin during Black History Month:
- The 2016 Presidential Election. So… we’re just gonna act like that thing on his head is hair? Aside from the fact that he’s shown himself to be a sexist bigot, if Donald Trump isn’t even perceptive enough to notice a seagull nesting on his head then how the hell can he run a country? Only the most racist and player-hatery of my White homies could possibly be pro-Trump. And if that’s what you’re about, then that’s your business. But don’t ruin the Presidential Elections for the rest of us this month. Keep it to yourself until March. Let us enjoy our last Black History Month with a Black president in peace.
- Slicked-down baby hair. To your people, laid edges are a fashion trend. To my people, gelled down baby hair is a way of life. If your mother has never tamed the edges of your hair with an old tooth brush and Pro Style brown gel, then chances are you are appropriating an aesthetic that doesn’t belong to you. Any other time of the year it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, I’d just give you a judgey raised eyebrow and keep it moving. But during Black History Month, cut it out. It’s the culturally sensitive thing to do.
- “Urban Tie Caps.” Hey… That is not an urban tie cap. It’s a wave cap. Otherwise known as a cheap ass durag.
- Rap challenges. Every few months a new rap challenge pops up, such as the #GeekedUpChallenge. If you have actual rap skills, then go forth and make my people proud, White buddy. But if you don’t… Chill. Let’s see no more of this foolishness until after February 28th.
- Pretty much anything “urban” in general. The highest form of flattery is imitation, not mockery. So tell your grandma to sit her old ass down until March 1st. Thank you.
- Award shows. The fact that #OscarsSoWhite is happening in 2016 should make all of us shake our heads. I mean, nobody is saying Black actors should be nominated for ALL of the awards. Just the ones they actually deserve. And it’s cute that Fox believes that the opinions of a washed up Black actress who has been in one and a half good movies should speak for the entirety of all of Blackdom. But unfortunately, I do not recognize Stacey Dash as my lord and savior. So if you agree with her take on #OscarsSoWhite, keep it to yourself this month. Y’all can keep Stacey Dash to yourselves until then, too.
- Micheal Jackson. When the news broke that a White British actor named Joseph Fiennes was gonna be playing Michael Jackson in a 9/11 road trip comedy show, a lot of people were pissed. I mean… were there 0% Black actors available to audition for the role of one of the most iconic African American entertainers? Y’all already got Raven Symone, now you’re gonna ruin Michael Jackson for us, too??? Of course, there were some folks who did not understand the outrage. Those folks are stupid. Don’t be like those folks, at least not during Black History Month.
- Black Pride moments. For some reason, whenever Black people are proactive about our representation in the media, there are always people who try to ruin it by taking our inclusion as an attack against them. I’m not going to explain the significance of underrepresented people seeing positive characters and images that they can relate to in the media. Instead, I’ll say this: February is the shortest month of the year. That means you only need to shut the hell up for 28 days.
- The Natural Hair movement. Seriously. Don’t do this shit again.
- Black history. History tells people where they have been, which teaches them about their present and their future. The accomplishments of Black Americans are largely left out of educational curricula in many schools. Even if Black History Month is unimportant to you, there are many who learn a lot from it every year. So for the rest of the month, try not to ruin it for others. Unless you don’t mind getting cussed out. In that case, bring it on.
Thanx in advance, White homies, for acknowledging these 10 rules during Black History Month. And for those of you who are offended, insulted, feeling left out, or experiencing any other degree of butthurt, feel free to drop a comment and I’ll reply to it some time during White History Month… which is pretty much every month except February. Happy Black History Month!
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