Thanx to Whoopi Goldberg, Sherri Shepherd, & the entire cast of The View for giving this blog a shout out! And I wanna extend a special welcome to the new readers. Enjoy!
On January 31st, 2011 I posted a blog entitled “10 things my White friends aren’t allowed to do during Black History Month.” A lot of people loved it, and other people sent me hate mail afterward. Nevertheless, it sparked a discussion about Black History Month… so I’m at it again.
Black History Month is a time to celebrate African Americans’ contributions to society & acknowledge the role that we played in shaping the world as we know it. As Americans, our cultural differences are part of what makes us who we are, and although some of my closest friends are of a different ethnicity than I am, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Black History Month presents an opportunity for those friends to prove that they feel the same way about me. So to celebrate this special time of the year, here are 10 things that my White friends
could should do for me during the month of February:
- Help me catch a cab. I don’t know if you agree that white privilege exists or not, but you guys definitely have an advantage when it comes to hailing taxis. If you really want to show your appreciation for Black Americans this month, then step to the curb & raise your arm, and when six or seven eager cab drivers pull over just make sure that I hop into one of them. Don’t do it for me. Do it for justice.
- Set me up on interracial dates. In many parts of this country, segregation still exists, and the proof can be seen in schools and communities. We must make a conscious effort to seek unity instead of emphasizing racial differences. One way to do this would be to hook me up with hot White guys during Black History Month. So that means if I wanted my boy Matt to hook me up with his brother Jon, he could not be a player hater, he’d totally have to do it.
- Explain to me why so many White people are named Matt and Jon. Seriously…what’s the deal? Do you know how annoying it is when I type Matt into my smartphone & I have to scroll past 11 Matt’s to find the Matt I wanna call? It is to the point now where I have to call all the Matts by their last names… which meant I had to learn how to pronounce them all. That’s not cool, you guys. You do your part to limit the number of Matts and Johns in the world and I’ll do my part to limit the number of rappers whose stage name starts with “Young” and “Lil.”
- Stop keeping the temperature at movie theaters so cold. My friend Matt and I (blonde Matt, not brunette Matt) often have arguments in the studio about the air conditioning. He explained to me that White people like coooler temperatures, and said “Why the hell do you think movie theaters are always so cold?” During Black History Month, am I supposed to accept that movie theaters across the entire country are set to the temperature preferences of White people? I demand justice. When we go to the movies together during Black History Month, my White friends should demand that the thermostat at the theater be turned up at least ten degrees. February is the shortest month of the year, you can learn to deal for 29 days.
- Go to Hot Yoga class with me. None of my black friends will go. They don’t want to sweat out their hair.
- Quit touching my hair. Stop it. For Black girls, having natural hair is kind of a big deal. I usually don’t care when friends touch my hair, but when it gets to the point where you are trying to make a lasso with my dreads, seeing if you can tie them in a bow, trying to count how many dreads I have, etc. it sort of makes me want to beat you. For the month of February, avoid touching my hair.
- Explain to me why you don’t think beer pong is gross. Everybody’s touching the same ping pong ball & throwing it across a table and into a cup of room temperature beer and everybody who’s playing is drinking from the same cups… every time my boy Bill has a party at his place they play Beer Pong, and each time I am fascinated at how nobody in the room seems to think it’s gross except me. Can’t you catch cooties of the mouth that way?
- Fight my petty battles for me. As Black Americans, we often have to deal with people making cruel, insensitive remarks. Sometimes it is because the person is a bigot, but most of the time it’s because the person is dumber than a doorknob. This month, instead of me having to put these idiots in their place, my white friends should do it for me. That way I’ll get a mental vacation from stupidity like this:
- Explain to me why Conan O’Brien wears his hair like that. I absolutely, unnnndeniably love Conan. I just don’t understand.
- Avoid asking me what the slang in rap songs means. Yeah, I’m a rapper, but that doesn’t make me Rapperpedia or anything. I DON’T KNOW what “Choppa N Da Paint” means, what the hell are you doing listening to Young Jeezy anyway?
If you are a White person who wants to make the world a better place, then please, do not hesitate to do these ten things for your own Black friends. If you REALLY want to go all out in support of Black History Month, then for the rest of the month you can also stop glorifying bacon, ask your black friend what they wanna listen to in the car instead of immediately turning to the hip hop station, avoid using the word “ghetto” as an adjective unless you’ve actually lived and/or worked in a ghetto, and last but not least, avoid using the word “ninja” to replace the n-bomb (that’s corny as hell, you should cut that out all together.) And if you are thinking “Nikki, you’re asking a bit too much and we can’t do that,” instead of saying “No, we can’t” just hold your head high and say…
Feel free to leave a comment below or on my Facebook page. Happy Black History Month!