Tag: Fat pants

Jeans: I own like a million pairs, but I wear the same F'ing ones every day

Holy crap. Do you see the shit load of jeans I own? F'ing ridiculous.
Jeans shopping SUCKS. I bring like 4 million pairs into the fitting room, and want to slit my wrists as I cram/stuff/shoehorn my thighs into each pair. And then when I finally get them on, the fluorescent lighting makes me look like ass and the mirror adds ten pounds. To each butt cheek. So when... Read more »

Ten reasons why I could never run for president (besides the short, hairy factor)

If I were running today, I’d be so nervous right now I’d be stuffing my face with whatever I could find in the kitchen, like a bottle of bacon bits or something. I only own two pair of pants that fit me, and they’re the same pair, and they’re jeans, and they’re from Tarjay. And... Read more »