Seven reasons to stop and think BEFORE you post THAT on facebook

Okay, so this morning I’m scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and the more I scroll, the more I’m starting to feel like shit. I mean all I’m seeing are these beautiful pictures that people have posted of their sparkling little love muffins looking all perfect and wonderful. Kids that have made the honor roll, kids... Read more »

Ten of the most terrifying HORROR stories taken straight out of mom’s day

Muhahahahahaha, it’s Halloween month, time to be scaaaaaary. And recently I saw this totally badass post that someone wrote based on the question “What is the best horror story you can come up with in two sentences?” I was like hells yeah, that is brilliant. So I thought, heyyy I’m a writer, I can do... Read more »

Holy crap do I miss doing ALLLLLL this crap

Okay, so once a month ChicagoNow (and if you don’t know WTF that is, just look up and to the right) has this totally stressful and sucky, uhhh I mean exciting and challenging event called Blogapalooza. We are given a topic and we have ONE hour to write a post and share it. Sixty measly... Read more »

Holy crap do I suck at making school lunches

Okay, so now that Zoey is in kindergarten I have to pack her lunch for school, which is like the hardest thing on earth because she doesn’t eat jack shit. Well, she eats peanut butter but we can’t pack that because it might kill a kid, and I’m not really into killing children. Well, besides my own... Read more »

Happy Vajaynus Day!!!!

Here’s the thing, birthdays are bullshit. I mean hellllllo, a baby doesn’t do jack shit when he’s born and we’re supposed to celebrate him for it? Can we just consider for a moment  who did all the work that day? His mom. Yeah, the one who pushed and grunted and was tortured and bared her... Read more »

Dear mom who has decided to give birth at home

Dear mom who has decided to give birth at home, Wow, can I just say you are so brave?! I mean when I was preggers I was all like “When can you give me the epidural, doc? Whatta you mean I have to wait until I’m in labor?” And not only are you having natural... Read more »

I'm the mean Mommy who won't give her kid a sip of water when he's thirsty

Dear Holden, Can we talk? “Cause here’s the thing, right now you’re standing at the top of the stairs calling, “Mommy, Mommmmyyy, I’m thirstyyyy,” and I’m sitting on the couch thinking, “F.U.” I mean I would never say that out loud to you, but yes, in my head I’m kinda telling you to F off.... Read more »

But if my husband does it, it'll take TWICE as long

Okay, so even though I think I married like the best man in the whole wide world (besides Channing Tatum. Seriously Channing, if you’re reading this, call me), and my husband’s like crazy supportive and likes to offer to help all the time, what I’m realizing lately is that getting help from him is usually... Read more »

What I’m gonna do the millisecond my kids go back to school

1. I’m going to shed a tear. A tear of joy. Thank God a little salt never ruined a glass of champagne. 2. I’m going to sit down on my couch and stare off into space in complete silence for at least fifteen minutes. Nahhh, not because I have a shitload of time and nothing... Read more »

Umm, uhhh, umm, uhh, umm, uhhh, yeah, that hole

Okay, so yesterday I was walking with Holden and all of the sudden out of the blue, guess what he asks me. HOLDEN: Mommy, how does the baby get out of the belly? (GIANT pause) WTF, seriously? Agggghhhh, you’re not even three-years-old yet!!! And there’s not a pregnant person in sight and we weren’t talking... Read more »