Archive for August 2014

I'm the mean Mommy who won't give her kid a sip of water when he's thirsty

Dear Holden, Can we talk? “Cause here’s the thing, right now you’re standing at the top of the stairs calling, “Mommy, Mommmmyyy, I’m thirstyyyy,” and I’m sitting on the couch thinking, “F.U.” I mean I would never say that out loud to you, but yes, in my head I’m kinda telling you to F off.... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
August 27, 2014 at 9:02 pm • 

But if my husband does it, it'll take TWICE as long

Okay, so even though I think I married like the best man in the whole wide world (besides Channing Tatum. Seriously Channing, if you’re reading this, call me), and my husband’s like crazy supportive and likes to offer to help all the time, what I’m realizing lately is that getting help from him is usually... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
August 25, 2014 at 9:57 am • 

What I’m gonna do the millisecond my kids go back to school

1. I’m going to shed a tear. A tear of joy. Thank God a little salt never ruined a glass of champagne. 2. I’m going to sit down on my couch and stare off into space in complete silence for at least fifteen minutes. Nahhh, not because I have a shitload of time and nothing... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
August 18, 2014 at 8:03 am • 
Advertisement:

Umm, uhhh, umm, uhh, umm, uhhh, yeah, that hole

Okay, so yesterday I was walking with Holden and all of the sudden out of the blue, guess what he asks me. HOLDEN: Mommy, how does the baby get out of the belly? (GIANT pause) WTF, seriously? Agggghhhh, you’re not even three-years-old yet!!! And there’s not a pregnant person in sight and we weren’t talking... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
August 11, 2014 at 8:33 am • 

Camping is a great way to bond with your family especially if you all get murdered by an axe-murderer together

Camping is a great way to bond with your family especially if you all get murdered by an axe-murderer together
So last weekend we went camping with the rugrats for the first time and you know what I decided? I love camping. Wait, I mean I hate camping. Yeah, basically I’m a schizo when it comes to camping because well, some of it was awesome, and some it SUCKED MORE ASS than anything I’ve ever... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
August 4, 2014 at 8:37 am •