Archive for March 2014

Frozen is F'ing awesome and teaches three lessons about love that I love

Okay, so I know you’re totally used to me dissing Disney princess movies left and right for their pussified princesses (oh yeah, spell check, well pussified SHOULD BE a word) who need to be rescued by princes and fairy godmothers, so this blog is gonna come as a bit of a shock to you. Are... Read more »

Best birth control EVERRRRRR!!!!!!!

Okay, I thought my kids were little a-holes… until I saw these. Holy crapola! I think it should be mandatory for every high school in North America to show this to their students. Let’s end teenage pregnancy. Annnnnd that is the reason I named my book I Heart My Little A-Holes. If this video made... Read more »

Hells yeah, I'm totally gonna be that kickass mom who leaves notes in her kid's lunchbox!

So guess what Zoey’s doing next year. I mean besides all sorts of crap to embarrass me. She’s starting school. Like REAL school! And I’m scared to death. Nahhh, not for her. I’m scared for me. I just know I’m gonna be one of THOSE moms. The mom who forgets it’s “sock” day. The mom... Read more »

The serious chapter, like seriously (an excerpt from my book I Heart My Little A-Holes)

This chapter is not funny. No, I’m not kidding. Like if you think I’m joking, please just jump to the next chapter. I’m serious. But hey, by now you probably need a little break from laughing, right? Hopefully. Maybe. Shit, what if this book isn’t funny? Okay, well, at least this chapter isn’t supposed to... Read more »

Going from one kid to two is, uhhh, how do I say this, let me see, HELL (an excerpt from my book I Heart My Little A-Holes)

So the other day we’re at a restaurant and this pregnant lady with her toddler leans over from the next table and asks, “How is it having two kids?” The way I see it, I can answer her in one of three ways: 1. Thank God for Roe v. Wade, lady, because you still have... Read more »

Ban Bossy, just because Sheryl Sandberg said it doesn't make it good

Dear Sheryl Sandberg, Okay, so part of me didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to bring attention to your stupid Ban Bossy campaign but screw it, I can’t sit back and keep my mouth shut. The good news is I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off and trying... Read more »

Ten things I wish someone told me BEFORE I had my first baby

1. Sleep now. Like seriously, I don’t care if you only two months preggers, go lie down in bed right now and don’t get up until you feel contractions. Because as soon as little Miss Poopie Pants arrives, you might not get 8 straight hours of sleep for like, hmmm, I don’t know, maybe forever.... Read more »

Yik Yak is terrible for kids, and if you don't know what it is, learn before your kids do

Dear Yik Yak creators, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you so much for creating your new app. I’m not surprised at all that it’s spreading like wildfire across the country. I mean it’s basically a constant twitter-like feed that students can post things to anonymously. F’ing brilliant! Before your Yik Yak app,... Read more »

Paper Dresses are like SOOOO amazing, as long as I'm not the one making them

So the other day I read this awesome article by my friend Mommy Shorts on Huff Post about this lady and her daughter who make paper dresses. Ahhhh-mazing! Did you see it? OMG, I don’t know jack shit about fashion, but I do know that this chick and her chickadee are some talented ladies. I... Read more »

I don't read no stinkin' parenting magazines–a sneak peek at my book

So if you’re on this page, you probably know that my book is being rereleased by HarperCollins April 8. Or you don’t know because you’ve been trying to ignore me every time I annoy you about this shit. Can’t say I blame you. Anyways, I’ll cut to the chase. Here is an chapter from my... Read more »