Archive for January 2013

Don't believe what you see on facebook, twitter, pinterest, or google + (for people who are way cooler than I am and know WTH that even is)

Dear friend who told me tonight that she’s getting divorced, First let me say that I really enjoyed catching up. Please can we not let six months pass again without talking? But here’s the thing. We discussed a lot of things, and I just don’t get it. I mean, I follow you online religiously and... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
January 25, 2013 at 7:44 pm • 

How the F do you spell matzah and holy shit can a baby be racist?!!!

So a couple of weeks ago we’re at a restaurant waiting for my hubby to pay and my kids’ faces are all smushed against the glass where the desserts are, when the guy behind the counter asks if we want anything. I kindly say no thank you because my daughter only ate like 1/16th of... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
January 16, 2013 at 12:55 pm • 

Elimination Communication, or as I like to call it WTF?

Pardon my French but I just have to vent for a minute. I am soooooo fucking sick of diapers!!!! Phew, I feel better now. Wait, no I don’t. That didn’t help at all because tomorrow I’m still going to have to change my son’s diaper like 8,000 times again. Like today after nap I put... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
January 15, 2013 at 9:41 am • 
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Quentin Tarantino, you don’t know jack about ear torture

Remember that scene in Reservoir Dogs when the guy gets his ear cut off and then doused in gasoline? At the time I sat there on the edge of my seat thinking, holy shit, it doesn’t get worse than that. But now I’m like that’s an F’ing walk in the park compared to what my... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
January 6, 2013 at 2:44 pm • 

Guess what my daughter named her new doll. WORST. NAME. EVER.

So your kiddo gets a new stuffed animal or doll or God forbid a live animal (that will either suck because it lives for years and years and you have to take care of it or because it dies and you have to make up some stupid shit about F’ing iguana heaven to console your... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
January 2, 2013 at 9:48 am •