One Man's Plan for Balanced Education in America?

The man with the plan isn’t me. It’s my former bother–er, brother-in-law Ace, who–just because he keeps texting me– thinks he’s maintained a friendship with me.

.Anyway, Ace keeps nagging me about my supposed political bias, a topic which–in this, my blog–I dilate on from time to time. He keeps badgering me about –in the name of balance–giving him a platform on my blog. Okay, so his persistent entreaties have finally whittled down my resistance; so here goes. Ace expatiating on the subject of American education. Take it away, Ace:

Thank’s, bad jack. First thing:

Creationizm vs. Evolutionary Theery: Anyone whose seen “The Flintstones” knows that dinosuars and humans lived at the same time. But I’d allow teachers a chanse to state their flimsee Godless case for millions of years of so-called evolution. Even though most peeple knows that the only things that evolve are virises or backteria. So I’m giving maybee 25% of the class time to lunatick-fringe evolution theery (and remember, it’s only a theery) with 78% going to creationism, okay?

Astronumy vs. Astrolugy: If my school had at least splitt time betweeen the two siences, I would have known that –with my wife (then main squeezee) being a Leo and me being a piscees–I would never have married her in the first place. And remember, if it wasn’t for Nancy Reagan’s astrologer, Ronald Reagan would not have been the gratest prez of all time (except for Donald Trump).

Flat Earth Theory vs. Heliocentric Theory: Some guys I know say the earth obits the moon and the moon obits the sun; Uthers say the earth obits the sun and the moon obits the sun too. I just don’t know. But this much I do know. Both are theeries, right? So either one could be true, right? So let’s go 50/50 on this one.

Vax vs. Non-Vax. It boils down to who do you believe, President Trump or Anthony Vouchi? And let’s fase it, Vouchi is kind of a wimpy looking little guy and President Trump is at least 6 foot seven.And out of all the theeries regarding how the Corona virus started, I’m parshul to the theery that you get it from drinking Mexican beer on the beach with Snoop Dog. Vax 15%. Non-Vax, 90%. Fare enough, libtarts?

Critikle Race Theery vs. Real American Patriotic Histry: Tell you the trooth, I’m not sure exacktly what CRT is exacktly. But I think it makes us –I mean real White American Paitriuts–look bad. Something about us treeting “peeple of colur” not so good. But I say let the libs have there say in the classroom. 98% RAPH. 8% CRT. And that’s being jenerus.

Fonetic Spelling vs. Politickly Currekt Spelling: It might surprize you that I’m not a cunservitive on this ishue. I believe in advansing revolushunary edjucation thru Fonetic spelling. Even tho I hardly ever make misteaks myself. I’ll go 60/40 on this one, take your pik.

Mathmatics vs. Using a Calculator. I kept my pocket calculator. So I never make misteaks. That settles that. Calculator 98%. Math, being now outdaded, 6%.

Geografy vs. Reesess: Why the hell do I have to know where Myamarr is.? I’m never going their. Dump geogray alltogether. And let the stoodints out of the building where they exersise there freedum to vape.

Thanks badjack for letting me vent on your blog. I owe you. Whatever the amount, is, just ad it onto the five hundred I already owe you.

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