This just in from my sources at F.U.N ( Faque Unverified News):
It’s been reported that–between January 4 and January 7–the number of pizza deliveries across America declined by an estimated 76%. Experts have attributed the phenomenon to the probability that most pizza delivery guys were in Washington D.C. in that time frame.
Following is an account of a follow-up interview between F.U.N. reporter Sham Ersatz and suspected Capitol Building riot participant 36-year old Looney Dolt, assistant manager for 12 years at the Bon Vivant’s Gourmet Donut Shoppe in Sphincter Springs, Arkansas. The interview took place in Dolt’s domicile, the semi-finished basement of his mother’s bungalow.
Sham: I’ve heard that you were seen in the Capitol Building wearing a Benedict Arnold mask and-
Looney: That weren’t me. That was, er, I guy I know, real patriot because he admired Arnold because he stayed loyal the a crazy man, that King George.
Sham: So you were not in D.C.?
Looney: Well, I was. But I was just sightseeing, They got lots of museums and statues and stuff there.
Sham: So tell me about the new coalition you’ve formed.
Looney: You mean with the guys who haven’t been caught yet?
Sham: Yeah. Bleak Lives Matter.
Looney: Well, I’ll tell you, we got kind of tired of being called losers and such just cause lots of us are down on our luck some and unemployed or in what some call dead-end jobs. Lots of us are educated asthem light-in-the-loafers atheistic elite pergresssives.
Looney: I got myself a doctorate from Trump University. Now I just have to pass that darned real-estate agent test. I’m determined to get it this time. Seven is my lucky number
Sham: Tell me about Bleak Lives Matter.
Looney: Well now, our dander is up about always being, as they say, margerinized. Them African Americans are always bitching about that. How about us?
Sham: Any protest marches planned?
Looney: Hey, that’s a hell of an idea. Thanks.
Looney: Ooh, sorry. Gotta get upstairs now. It’s time for one of mom’s grilled cheese sandwiches. Mmm.My favorites. You can let yourself out through the window there. So long.