Just Askin'

The following questions keep haunting me.   I was wondering if you could help me with an answer or two.

  1.  For centuries, millions have been hearing  and believing that people  (mostly Catholic females) have been possessed by Lucifer who  has been inducing multitudes of them to  cascade green smoothies from their maws with the force of Old Faithful and to swivel their heads like berserk, out-of-control carousels, but who (Lucifer that is,) can be evicted from occupancy of  the victim by a man in a funny frock and a funnier hat bellowing  really nasty vituperations in Latin, which–as we all know–is Hell’s native tongue. The question I have is:  How come that–since the proliferation of the camera phone (now ubiquitously spilling over into the hundreds of millions)–no taped accounts of these exorcisms have surfaced on You Tube? Just askin’.
  2. If so many black death-row prisoners have been exonerated and released by lawyers proving their innocence via incontrovertibly controverting DNA evidence, how many innocent black men are today incarcerated for murder or other crimes where DNA evidence is not a factor in those crimes? Just askin’.
  3. If wine turns into vinegar when it goes bad, what does gone-bad vinegar turn into?  Just askin’.
  4. Trumpists are wary that Democrat voters–on a scale that registers millions–would find a way to vote twice. Which begs this questiion:  How many people do you know–or know of– or can imagine–who are willing to risk winding up in a federal penitentiary for 5 years or so, just to get in one measly extra vote?  Just askin’.
  5. If adherents to the dozens and dozens of the world’s different belief systems are convinced that God is listening to their prayers, and only one God can be listening, which God is it?  Just askin’.
  6. Speaking of God.  When the Holy Bible says that all men are made in God’s image, does that mean that God has a dick?  Just askin’.
  7. When the Donald says –in the same statement–that the NY Times disclosure of  his income tax records is Fake News  and. at the same time, were obtained illegally. doesn’t one claim contradict the other?  Just askin’
  8. In the past, say, half century, have you ever heard of anybody actually naming their dog Fido?  Just askin’.
  9. How come, in all those paintings from the Old Masters,  both the Virgin Mary and Jesus resemble 15th and 16th  Florentines?  I thought  that, in real life, they’d look Jewish’ didn’t you?  Just askin’.
  10. Witnessing virtual interviews  with experts on cable news. do you really think that any of those experts have  actually read all the books on the shelves in the background?  Or half of them even?  Just askin’.
  11. Knowing that the crime rates in Scandinavian countries  are remarkably low, how come the crimes depicted in Scandinavian crime novels and TV cop series are so grotesquely gruesome?Just askin’.
  12. What are the CDC guideline pertaining to sex orgies?  And if masks are mandated, are the types of masks worn in Kubrick’s orgy movie Eyes Wide Shut permissible?  Just askin’.
  13. Is there a connection between the exorbitant prices of American pharmaceuticals and the billions spent on Big Pharma’s tv commercials?  Just askin’.
  14. Is there a connection between the exorbitant premiums of American insurance and the billions insurance companies spend on TV commericals? Just askin’.
  15. Why are pickle jars always cited as the example  of the most difficult to open? And  why in fact are they the most difficult to open? Just askin’
  16. Even if Joe Biden wins, that means at least 100 million Americans want Donald Trump to remain President.  Why?  Just askin’.

 

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