The Prayer Olympics: A Proposal


As Richard Dawkins has pointed out, there have been studies conducted testing the efficacy of prayer in all its Christian permutations, e.g. praying for one’s self, praying for others, etc.  Turns out the power of prayer suffered a complete outage. In fact, in one category,  it scored a minus, albeit by a margin as thin as a  gluten-free communion wafer.

It shouldn’t be any secret why  the ecclesiastic community has kept  the apparent powerlessness of prayer  a collective secret; why it has remained quiet as a monastic vow of silence; why the cover-up is more opaque than the shroud of Turin.

But there exists a remaining question that’s gone begging, to wit:  Were the study participants praying to the wrong God or Gods? I have a proposal for finally resolving said question.

Why not conduct a worldwide Prayer Olympics?  All religions and sects who believe in prayer’s potency would be invited. The venue?  Where else but Vegas, with all  those tawdry hotels to match up with the garish clerical raiments bound to show up? The delegation from New Guinea, an island housing 46 different religions, would be a bountiful  boost to the Lodging economy.

So, now let’s hypothesize.  The first possible outcome is that no religion could prove to be a winner.  Who knows how the world’s religious leaders would react, though I’m sure all would be prepared with a plan B? Surely, though, the population of atheists would bulge Richard Dawkins book sales.

But supposing one religion emerged as the undisputed gold medalist, hence the one true religion? Say it turned out to be one of the New Guinea sects (New Guinea obviously carrying the best odds going in). What fallout then? Chaos, for sure.  Stocks in corporations manufacturing prayer rugs, yarmulkas, crucifixes, Hindu turbans and all sorts of divine artifacts would plummet precipitously.  The population of New Guinea would  suddenly swell like  the multitude of sprained ankles the crowded immigration rush would engender.  Priests, vicars, rabbis, imams, ayatollahs, monks, even the pope would be filling out employment applications at Starbuck’s locations across the globe. Everybody would be scrambling  to learn how to convert to the new religion, to study it, to seek out spiritual leaders, to…oh, let just say a shitload of  pandemonium would reign.

Will my brainchild, The Prayer Olympics, ever see fruition?  Let’s face it. With the way things are, it hasn’t got a prayer.

Filed under: Culture, Religion

Leave a comment