Ray Rice: Knowing when say NO to domestic violence and abuse

Ray Rice: Knowing when say NO to domestic violence and abuse

There is another statistic and example of domestic violence. Honestly, I was not planning on writing about the whole Ray Rice and domestic violence.  I have talked about domestic violance before in the past and felt like I was going to repeat myself. That’s until I saw this from another friend’s feed and I quickly changed my mind.


Statement given by Ray’s wife, Janay Rice.

Domestic violence is not going to go away on its own. There is a need for more awareness for domestic violence out in the general public because domestic violence does not discriminate. Domestic violence affects the young, old, rich, poor, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, gay, and straight.  No one is immune to domestic violence.

According to National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, here’s the definition of domestic violence:

“Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior perpetrated by an intimate partner against another. It is an epidemic affecting individuals in every community, regardless of age, economic status, race, religion, nationality or educational background. Violence against women is often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior, and thus is part of a systematic pattern of dominance and control. Domestic violence results in physical injury, psychological trauma, and sometimes death. The consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and truly last a lifetime.”


Here are some strong statistics given by National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

  • One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
  • An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.
  • 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
  • Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew – not total strangers.
  • Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.
  • Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.
  • The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for

    direct medical and mental health services.

  • Victims of intimate partner violence lost almost 8 million days of paid work because of the violence perpetrated against them by current or former husbands, boyfriends and dates. This loss is the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs and almost 5.6 million days of household productivity as a result of violence.

  • Only approximately one-quarter of all physical assaults, one-fifth of  all rapes, and one-half of all stalkings perpetuated against

    females by intimate partners are reported to the police.

  • Approximately 20% of the 1.5 million people who experience intimate partner violence annually obtain civil protection


  • One in 6 women and 1 in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape.
  • 1 in 12 women and 1 in 45 men have been stalked in their lifetime.

  • Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.
  • Witnessing violence between one’s parents or caretakers is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one

    generation to the next.

  • Sexual assault or forced sex occurs in approximately 40-45% of battering relationships.

  • 41% of crimes against children were committed by a family member in Illinois.
  • 27% of reported criminal sexual assault cases ended in an arrest in Illinois.

All of those statistics just blow my mind. While I am very happy that increased awareness of domestic violence, I am saddened that the numbers for those statistics are not going down. Young girls and women need to be aware that they have the power to take a stand in this. No person should stay in a relationship with someone who abuses them even if they are their sole financial supporter.  It is not worth it!

Battered women syndrome is just as destructive as domestic violence. According to RAINN – Rape and Incest National Network, battered woman syndrome mainly associated with women, but it is also affects me men too.  According to RAINN, The concept of battered woman syndrome describes the mindset and emotional state of a battered woman. A battered woman is a woman who has experienced at least two complete battering cycles as described in dating and domestic violence.

Here are some of the characteristics of Battered Woman Syndrome that RAINN describes:

  1. The woman believes that the violence was or is her fault.
  2. The woman has an inability to place responsibility for the violence elsewhere.
  3. The woman fears for her life and/or her children’s lives.
  4. The woman has an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient.

There are many reasons that women stay with their abusers. Here are some of the reasons according to RAINN:

  • still being positively reinforced by the “honeymoon” phase of the battering cycle
  • economic dependence upon the batterer
  • belief that they can keep the peace
  • fear of danger if she were to leave
  • threats made by the batterer to hurt her or her children if she left
  • loss of self-esteem
  • depression or loss of psychological energy necessary to leave

This is time for women to be strong and fight back against domestic violence. It is also a time for male role models to educate young boys and men that domestic violence is not acceptable and will face consequences for this type of behavior. Young girls and women need to be strong enough to not tolerate this behavior and report it to the police. You are not a man if you hit or assault your girlfriend, fiancee, or wife.  You are just a loser and you need to change your behavior so you are seen as a winner instead.

If you are in the need of help because of you are in an abusive relationship, get out and get help NOW. Do not wait until things get better. There are people that can help you. You are not alone! Do not be another statistic and be strong. No relationship is worth the pain from emotional, physical, and psychological trauma.

For more information or to get help, please call:

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