Wanting Vs. Needing A Relationship

This afternoon, I came across this awesome woman on Humans Of New York. Not only is she an electrical engineer with great style (Yay to smart, powerful ladies with taste!), but she talks about how one of her biggest weaknesses is that she doesn’t “know how to make someone feel needed (in a relationship). Because (she doesn’t) feel like she needs anyone.”

I feel this so hard.

If I’m with you, I want you there. I really do. I want. But when you’ve been able to do it yourself, when you’ve seen your own strength, and you wake up everyday to do it again, you kinda realize you don’t really need another person.

To need in a relationship, you have to on purpose create a path of vulnerability. It doesn’t exist. You have to make it. And that seems strange.

I feel like you shouldn’t need in a new relationship. You should want. Because if you need, it means you weren’t a complete person when you entered into it. To want means that you are making a conscious decision to make room for this person in your life. But maybe that doesn’t feel secure enough to the other person.

I think the need is something that develops when you’ve been together for a long while. When you have decided to stop being two separate people with separate roads and to have one road instead.

I don’t need someone to feel happiness. I don’t need someone to pay my bills. I don’t need someone to fix my life. I have the ability to do that. But if I want someone to share my life with, to grow with, to experience life with an additional depth, to create a path, to know what it’s like to care about someone more than myself…that’s when I need you. That I could never do alone.

I want to need you. And I need you to want me too.

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Tags: relationship goals

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