Dear Vodka, It's me, Ana

This morning, I woke up and all I could think was “Ugh. You again, vodka?”

I think it’s time we have a talk, vodka. This break up was a long time coming.

Before you start pointing at the clock and pulling out my body-con dresses, let me explain this to you.

My friends think you’re boring. I mean, seriously. Showing up in tonic…again! You’re completely indistinguishable from any other glass on the bar. It’s embarrassing for us to be seen together.

You’re tasteless in the worst possible way. Yes, I used to find it cute that you could blend into any cranberry juice and diet coke with great ease. It was like you weren’t even there at all! But, really, I mean…isn’t that part of the problem?

You flirt with sorority girls way too much for me to want to be committed to you. Do I really want to be seen with the same drink as every Ashley, Megan and Courtney out there? I have a little more self respect than that.

And, I’m going to be honest, you are a MESS in the morning. My head hurts and my stomach turns just thinking about you. You really hurt me like nothing else does. And you weigh on my mind days longer than you should.

I want something I could bring home to my parents, vodka! And that…that is just not who you are.

You’re the name I call when I’m feeling unimaginative. You’re the one I want when I’m just looking for a buzz. And, quite frankly, you come on a little too strong.

It’s over vodka. We’re through.

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Tags: booze, break up, cocktail

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