My city is referred to as Chiraq. We are the murder capital of the U.S. Over the 4th of July weekend, there were 72 shootings in Chicago. SEVENTY TWO! So, when the Illinois legislature overrode the governor’s veto on conceal and carry yesterday, that got me thinking: Is it time to get the funk out of Chicago?
- I’ve previously written about how Chicago high schoolers are already dressing like hunters because of the daily violence.
- George Zimmerman’s biggest defense move in his trial over the slaying of Trayvon Martin is that he was afraid of the black youths in his area. Are you trying to tell me that the average middle class Joe in Chicago doesn’t have some fear over “the others?” You don’t think that means business men and women will be packing heat during my morning commute? I can’t buy pepper spray, but a gun? Go for it and take it to the bar with you under your dress! You don’t think some drunk bro isn’t going to whip out his pistol in Wrigleyville post Cubs game?
- A friend recently told me that there has been a man in my neighborhood who stalks women walking alone at night, takes photos of them and posts those photos to a Tumblr. After being discovered by the neighborhood’s watchdog community, the Tumblr has either been removed or the name changed. Now, imagine you are the police and you see a guy suspiciously following a woman. They stop and question him. He’s concealing a gun under his shirt. He has a permit. They let him go. It’s not illegal to be following a woman, carrying a gun and taking her photo without her knowing.
- I was dating a guy until recently who has a big deal finance job. He 6’3″, well-dressed and stupid handsome. He lives in a nice apartment on a quiet treelined street in Logan Square. He wants a gun and his dumbass would TOTALLY conceal and carry to feel a little tougher. He says he wants it for protection, but he’s a tall, black guy in a hipster neighborhood. It’s not like he’s high risk. With this new law, however, people who you would never suspect of having a gun on them…will have a gun on them…just because.
- WHO THE FUNK WANTS TO LIVE IN A CITY WHERE EVERYONE IS SO AFRAID OF EVERYONE ELSE THAT THEY HAVE TO CARRY A GUN?!?!? Now, we all have guns and it’s like one shot of whiskey, mean look and warm day from a citywide domino effect of shootings. I’m not even saying that I’m anti-gun. If I lived in Montana and my nearest neighbor was 10 miles away, I would TOTALLY have a bunch of guns. There are bears and crap out there. In the middle of a tightly packed, highly stressed city, there has to be a better idea.
- Let’s move away from guns for a second. Do you know how much Chicagoans are being taxed?! First, somewhere around 37% is taken from every single paycheck when you add federal, social security, Medicare and state taxes. Then, I’m charged 9.25% on everything I decide to purchase in the city with what’s left of my check. When combining the two, that essentially means you are being taxed almost 50% of EVERY PAYCHECK.
- Hoping to get lucky? Oh, hey, guess what! Cook County has the highest number of gonorrhea cases in the U.S.
- Thirsty? High Gloss and Sauce just wrote that the EPA is urging Midwesterners to stop drinking tap water, because it could cause cancer and infertility. So glad that 50% of my check is going to keeping me healthy! Thanks, guys!
- Kids have been organizing flash mob robberies on Michigan Avenue. Terrifying. Now that conceal and carry is passed…that’s going to go super well. A vigilante is going to fire at a kid, the kids are going to fire back and we’re going to have an all out tourist and child mowdown.
- As any Chicago creative will tell you, this city does a terrible job of supporting it’s own. Everyone’s a starving artist. It seems that you can only grow if you leave. And we just looooooooooove to tear each other down. Crap on the events, shit on the musicians, beat up the writers. We’re not doing an awesome job of lifting each other on up.
Chicago, I have loved you so hard and so long. You have been my longest standing relationship. I’ve even written you love letters, Chicago! This is all just becoming a little bit too much. You’ve got to get your act together. You’ve got to work on that enormous race and economic divide. You’ve got to stop this violence bullcrap…at this point, it might as well be classified as domestic violence of city vs. it’s lovers.
You’ve been my baby for 8 years now. Pull yourself together or I’m out.