5 steps to breaking up online

5 steps to breaking up online


The digital age makes a break up a hundred times more difficult.  The only way you can pretend your ex doesn’t exist is if you dig yourself a hole in the middle of the woods and live inside of it for a couple months…leaving all technology behind.  Imagine something similar to Brendan Frasier and Alicia Silverstone in Blast From The Past.  (Obscure references mean you know I’m back.)





TDH and I bonded over being early adopters of Twitter.  I encouraged him to start a blog and even advised on platform, content and title.  His Facebook is more active than most stud farms.  I have his cell, work and work cell numbers.  I’m on his BBM (BlackBerry Messenger) and Gchat.  In short, I am inundated with methods to both get updates and get in touch.  It is not helpful.

Breaking up is so much different now.  I’m here for you.  Follow these five easy steps and you’ll soon realize that out of sight really is out of mind.

  1. Immediately stop following him on Twitter.  You do not need to see his name, photo or grammatically incorrect updates in your timeline.  You will not regret doing this.  My friends did this while I wasn’t looking.
  2. Rename them in BBM.  I chose a new name that put him at the bottom of the list and made me remember why we weren’t together.  It hasn’t been super effective (I’m awful at keeping things to myself…obviously), but at least it makes me think twice.  To change, highlight their name in your contact list, select “View Contact” and it’s all easy from there.
  3. Write down his phone numbers, but then delete them and hide the paper somewhere out of sight.  This way you can’t just call or text in moments of weakness.  You will also be able to identify his number if necessary.  In a few weeks, you can reassess if you even want the number in your phone at all.  I’m willing to bet that you’ll be ready to let it go for good.
  4. Set the privacy settings of facebook so that his updates don’t show up in your newsfeed.  I had no idea this was possible, so special thanks to The Frisky.  Unfriending is just not a good idea.  Unless he did something awful like punch your grandma, you look like such a petty tool.
  5. Bet yourself that you can go one full week without checking any of his online properties.  Even if you make it more difficult to run across, it’s still possible to manually check up on him.  I’m promising myself something special from Victoria’s Secret.  I really want that lingerie!!

In the words of any tv or movie gangster, “Forgettaboutit.”


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  • As far as being a petty tool for unfriending people on Facebook, well I guess I'm a petty tool because I unfriend the SHIT out of people I don't like. In fact, I purge my "friend" list about twice a year. I don't want that random dude I met once at a party 3 years back to know that I'm out of town. I also unfriend people that I just don't like...my old roommate for example. If that's being petty, so be it.

  • For the most part I agree with this approach, a separation of digital identities must be made at least temporarily. Hopefully one day everyone can be friends again. I prefer to split the world in two and split up the friends too but some friends don't like picking

  • I tried to keep my ex as a friend on Facebook, but when the profile pic went to one of her and her new guy...I unfriended and removed all messages and comments that I could find. The sting was a little much

  • "Out of sight, out of mind" is the best way to go. Unfortunately, sometimes you have an ex that doesn't believe in that credo, so you get random phone calls and texts from them and don't realize it's them right away since their number isn't in your phone anymore. I've had the unfortunate displeasure of having that happen to me, and to make it worse, she can be a snarky little bitch when she wants to.

  • In reply to SteveJankowski11:

    Oh man, to me, it's a great feeling when you delete their number and then they text you at like 1am Saturday, all "heeey what's up," and you get go "who is this?" and make them feel stupid.

  • In reply to SteveJankowski11:

    The worst is that people take offense to the digital part of the break up too easily. If you don't want to have anything to do with someone in real life, why the heck would they expect you to still associate with them online?

  • In reply to SteveJankowski11:

    Hon, solid info indeed. VERY proud of you. Do you, girly! :-) Hugs.

  • In reply to SteveJankowski11:

    There's a big dif between completely cutting contact someone you just plain don't like and completely cutting contact with someone with whom your relationship "changed"; the latter all depends on how the break-up went down.
    Cheating? Lying? Grandma punching? Ya, just cut it. All of it. This is not someone you want in your life.

    If it wasn't as "messy", or you share a circle of friends, you don't need them flooding your day to day, but there's always a possibility, after it stops to hurt, a civil, if not friendship, at the very least acquaintance can remain.
    But I definitely agree with An, there needs to be at least a temporary cut of all contact in order to move on first. (A broken leg can't heal if you're out running on it.)

    No rule is one size fits all, but generally speaking, time apart (IRL AND virtually) is necessary. And if they're giving you the "I want you in my life" spiel, well, it could be legit. But if it's keeping you from moving on, you can't be afraid to say "Look, that's not going to work right now." Because if they're texting/calling/Tweeting/Poking, whatever, it's just to make themselves feel better. If they broke it off, then the only time they should be initiating contact is if they're on your front door with a giant bouquet of flowers with a hella good explanation of why they're an idiot. Other than that: Like a Bandaid: On pull, RIGHT OFF!

  • In reply to SteveJankowski11:

    I'm of the opinion that you should sever all ties immediately. There's a reason why it didn't work, and honestly, can you really ever be friends again?? if so, you'll find each other easily enough. But in my past breakups its just easier to cut all ties, all reminders, anything that links you back. It's the only way.

  • In reply to SteveJankowski11:

    1: Unfollow ALL his blogging.
    2: Erase and block him from BBM. You don't need a drunk-text from him.
    3: Just delete his digits from your mobile. If you need to get a hold of him, I'm sure you can ask a mutual friend.
    4: Just block and delete him from FB. It's your account, what do you care what chick he just banged in the coatroom?
    5: Just don't check-up on him. If you go groveling back to him, he is now the boss and you just lost the right to bitch about him. If you take him back, you better take him back, warts and all. Then you'll just need to go around and un-poison his name with all your friends...

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