Kobe, I blame you for everything that goes wrong in my relationship

Kobe, I blame you for everything that goes wrong in my relationship


(Getty) Kobe!

Dear Kobe Bryant,

Get ready to be blamed for everything that goes wrong in my relationship.

I am a full-fledged NBA playoff widow.  Basically, this means that I am left to fend for myself during all Lakers-Celtics games.  I know that the Blackhawks are on their way to Stanley Cup victory, but it’s basketball that is taking over my extracurricular credit hours.  I’m dating a guy who literally punctuates his sentences with random “Kobe!” shouts.

Me: Let’s go get something to eat.

Tall, Dark and Handsome (TDH, for short): Burgers sound good…Kobe!

Because TDH is ridiculously handsome, I always find myself watching the game from his couch…or as I like to call it, drinking wine while daydreaming.

Things that could happen while I am being ignored:

  • I could catch on fire
  • I could be attacked by a savage bunny
  • I could have a really awesome time drinking champagne with Michael Buble…pretty sure Kobe is the only thing standing in the way.
  • My eyes will fry from the amount of times I’m checking Twitter
  • I could switch your salt with sugar in your shaker…accident!
  • I could lose your Kobe shoes in a well…also an accident!

It gets worse.  I am also a playoff orphan!  My parents, especially my dad, are crazy about basketball.  I was raised on more basketball as a child than milk.  And who are my parents’ team?  The Celtics.

Actual conversation:

Mom: Who’s your team?

TDH: Lakers…Kobe!

Mom: I used to like you.

Now, I’m stuck in a Capulets vs. Montagues face-off.  How do I choose a side when I could care less who wins?

Looks like I’m just going to join the Blackhawks bandwagon, at least those games are being played in bars.




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  • "Burgers sound good...KOBE!" LOL!

  • LOL, we are on the same boat. My beau is a Kobe fanatic. With that, I have to love Kobe and basketball.

  • Ana,
    As you grew up, we were strong Bulls fans. That ended when the Jerry's gutted the team. Now we follow the Celtics because I've gotten to know Doc Rivers and he gets us great seats when they are at the UC. The Celtics are about teamwork. They have won 17 championships but no Celtic has ever lead the NBA in scoring. Kobe is about Kobe first and team second. When you played your own style was more the "knock 'em over and kick 'em while they're down" play of Kevin Garnett than the shoot-aholic style of Kobe.
    I'll get tix again next year but if TDH wears any Kobe sh*t he'll have to eat his popcorn in the parking lot.


  • Didn't I suggest following the Hawks over that... basket- ball, is that how you say it? Not only can you avoid having to pick a side (I'm not talking lakers or celtics, I'm talking TDH or 'rents) but you're supporting a Chicago team. Your team. Our team. We have won the Stanley Cup. Enjoy it. And put that basket- ball nonsense to rest.

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