Five Rules For Dating My Daughter - Listen up, Markley and Elliott!

Dad Stern.jpg

This is an actual picture of my dad…yes, he looks that scary all of the time…yes, he’s pointing at you.

With this date with Stephen Markley of Off The Markley and Elliott Serrano of Geek To Me looming terrifyingly on the horizon, my dad has started to morph back into that guy that all the guy’s in high school feared.  He’s six feet tall and has a resting face that looks like he may have killed eight people ninja style on the walk from his car to the gym.  He’s the kind of dad that is standing in the shadows cracking his knuckles and twirling his six-shooter El Dorado style when I try to introduce a guy to him.

Markley, Elliott and the boys of Chicago, my dad has something he wants to say to you.

Five Rules for Dating My Daughter

  1. Be respectful.  Every “hot girl” is somebody’s daughter.  Have fun, but behave as her parents might stop by at any time.
  2. Maintain perspective.  The benefits of short term amusement must be weighed against long term consequences.  Lighting a firecracker might seem fun, but it would be a bummer going through life missing a few fingers. (Ana’s Note: Omg…did this just happen???)
  3. Return policy.  Bring her home in as good of condition as you pick her up.  Any damage will come out of your hide sevenfold, an inch at a time.
  4. No is No.  Violate this rule and you might find yourself inside Cook County Jail to find out how the inmates view consent.  (Ana’s Note: Apparently my dad thinks I’ve been dating some pretty shady characters…I carry mace and am not afraid to Krav Maga someone’s face off.)
  5. Finito.  If she says she doesn’t want to date you again, don’t think it’s because she hasn’t sufficiently exposed to your immeasurable charm.  Turn around and keep walking.

So watch your steps Markley and Elliott!

If anybody else wants to watch their steps, you can follow us on Twitter tomorrow ( @AccidentallySxy, @GeekToMe, @StephenMarkley).  Between 12:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m., Elliott and I will be at Lincoln Park Zoo, North Avenue Beach, Mother’s Too, and Challenger’s Comics + Conversation.  I hear that Challenger’s has something pretty cool set up, so feel free to come and spectate!  Afterwards, Elliott will be delivering me to the arms of Markley at the Art Institute.  (P.S. Elliott has a car…point!)  From there, we will be at Garrett’s, possibly followed by John Hancock Observatory and ice skating in Wrigleyville (that part is tb-makingout-d).

Stephen and I are having dinner at Rockit Wrigley and will be hopping upstairs to the TweetNRockit.  This week, Billy Dec is hosting with Jillian Harris from the Bachelor.  There’s a $20 minimum donation at the door, but 100% goes to the Red Cross for relief in Haiti.  PLUS, there’s an open bar from 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.  

Finally, we’re heading to Faith & Whiskey to sample their new whiskey cocktail menu.  They’ve even created a $3 “Accidental Threesome” shot for the night, in addition to their weekly Saturday special of $5 Buffalo Trace Bourbon.

Maybe I’ll see you there? 

(Note: I also want to give a big thank you to all the venues mentioned above for opening up their doors, feeding me and providing the liquid courage per gratis.) 


Leave a comment
  • So...your dad is Bruce Davison?

Leave a comment