“It Only Takes Five Minutes!” The 30 things they say I need to do every day

“It Only Takes Five Minutes!” The 30 things they say I need to do every day
"I need some rest. I'm tired."

For far too long I’ve been hearing about all the “simple” things I can do to make my life better. If only I just did these things every day. And the selling point by the “salespeople” is always how little effort it really takes and then how big the payout will be. But, do the math, you “salespeople.” There aren’t enough hours in a day.

Here they are, in no particular order (and I’ve probably left out quite a few):

1 – Drink eight eight-ounce glasses of water. One of those glasses (or two of them, depending on who you believe) immediately after you wake up.

2 – Get eight hours of sleep. If only they didn’t have to be consecutive hours.

3 – Brush your teeth every morning.

4 – Brush your teeth every night.

5 – Brush your teeth after lunch. If you want to be a show-off.

(Pee like a racehorse. See #1)

6 – Have a bowel movement.

7 – Get thirty minutes of rigorous exercise, which would, for most folks, require one to…

8 – Take a shower or bath.

9 – Foam roll before you exercise.

10 – Stretch. Whether you exercise or not.

11 – Foam roll after you exercise.

12 – Floss your teeth.

13 – Meditate. It only takes ten minutes!

14 – Eat healthy, non-processed food. These foods, however, will not cook themselves, so…

15 – Prepare healthy, non-processed foods — with lots of vegetables! Eat your fiber!

16 – Better clean the kitchen afterward. (My hobby!) Because if you leave dishes lying (or laying, whatever, I DON’T care) you’ll attract vermin and possibly, eventually, DCFS.

17 – Maintain the same or a similar schedule everyday. This is my impossible dream.

18 – Drink green tea. Ugh.

19 – Drink one cup of coffee. One?

20 – Do the “Wonder Woman Pose.” Only two minutes. No tiara required.

21 – Wash your face and perform your skincare routine.

22 – Moisturize.

23 – Make your bed. I don’t care what the Navy Seals say, I will only do this when company comes. And I mean like real company, not old friends or family.

24 – If you want to be a writer, write a page every day. After a year, you’ll have 365 pages! That’s a novel! Yeah. 365 pages of literary perfection. Knopf will be beating down your door.

25 – Drink one glass of red wine. One?

26 – Spend time with family and/or friends. Who’s friends with their family? Just kidding, family!

27 – Make time for leisure. Umm-hmmm.

28 – Say “thank you.” I actually really like this one.

29 – Say your prayers.

30 – Spend ten minutes every night planning the next day. Really? Now who has the time for that?


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