The Cubs post-season is upon us. (And I will never get tired of saying that!) While all teams should welcome and encourage new fans, nobody wants to go to a game, much less a post-season game, looking like it’s the first one they’ve ever attended.
Here are some helpful tips from A City Mom to make you look like you’ve been feeling our pain since 1908.
1) Don’t unfurl that “W” flag until the last out. I don’t care how NOT superstitious you are. Long time fans are a superstitious bunch and premature celebrations make us break out in hives.
2) When you’re in the stands, don’t stand up to buy your beer. Nothing screams newbie more than the guy who stands up and walks over to the vendor to pay and get his beer. Seriously, you may just need to get out more, period. We’ll pass the money down and pass your beer back to you. Ditto with the change. (And don’t wait for your quarter back, either, you cheap-ass. You spent at least $150 for your ticket, wave off the coins.) This goes for hot dogs, cotton candy, big foam fingers, etc., too.
3) Don’t start The Wave. Just don’t.
4) Dress for the weather. It’ll probably be colder than you think. As a general rule, dress for temperatures about twenty-degrees below what the actual game time temp is going to be. Especially if the wind’s off the lake. Show up in a low-cut V-neck or shorts, and we will laugh at you and later at the over-priced sweatshirt or blanket you’ll end up buying after waiting an hour in line.
5) Don’t get up from or return to your seat when anyone is getting ready to or is at bat. Especially not when the Cubs are up. Especially not when there are two men on, two outs and we’re down by a run.
6) As soon as the top of the seventh is finished, stand up. It’s time for The Seventh Inning Stretch. Know the words. And if you’re sitting next to my husband, be sure to sing, “I don’t care if I never get back.” If you sing, “ever” get back, you will get schooled.
7) It’s not necessary to know the words to Go Cubs Go except perhaps for the chorus, because it still feels new to us old-timers and mumbling along is perfectly acceptable. Besides, practicing the words to this one can jinx things. (See #1 above.)
8) Don’t put your arm around the back of the chair of the person sitting next to you. Your elbow’s now in my beer. And I don’t know where your elbow has been.
9) Do math. It won’t kill you. (Probably.) That’s how our historic scoreboard works.
10) Don’t drink Budweiser. It’s from St. Louis.
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