Archive for March 2011

20 Boys Run Through Loop Carrying Food Preparation Product

Perhaps only once in the entire history of the Sears Tower (Okay, I know it’s the Willis Tower, but that’s still too weird for me to say.), have twenty adolescent boys, led by one completely bald track coach, run through its lobby carrying chicken cooking cream. I wish I could have seen the spectacle. During... Read more »

Butt-Dialed Blackmail

Butt-Dialed Blackmail
“So, who was telling all the dead baby jokes on the bus?” I asked my son this question and the look on his face was priceless. The proverbial Deer in the headlights expression. My query received this response, I’m sure, because he’d thought his mother had suddenly developed over-the-top psychic skills: skills way more powerful... Read more »

Bite me CNN: 15 Places you can put your list of family vacations

Hey CNN and Budget Travel. Bite me. I just read your article, 15 Places Kids should see by age 15. You forgot the subtitle, if you’re really, really rich and have a lot of free time. According to my calculations, you’d need over fifty-thousand dollars, minimum, to get your family of five from Chicago to... Read more »

A Suburban Dad's Guest Blog: Man Begs Dog

Ivy in the living room
Kim’s post about her dog vomiting on her bed oddly made me feel better. You see, our little pooch Ivy is a bit of a horker herself. You know the expression “Eat (Poop) and Die”? Turns out, it’s slightly misleading. Ivy has discovered that eating it won’t make you die. It will, however, cause you... Read more »

The Unexpected Voice

“Do we have any blueberry muffins left?” It seems an innocuous enough question. Mostly harmless. Yet, when I heard it, I let out a yelp and jumped, completely startled. Because the voice came from behind me and it was no longer the voice of my fourteen-year old son, Kyle, but the voice of a strange... Read more »

Uncle John's BLAM: When there's danger at your door

Sunday morning was picture perfect. My husband woke me up with coffee and the paper, and we sat in bed and read and drank our coffee and surfed the net on our portable electronic devices with the dog sleeping peacefully between us, while all the children were entertaining themselves far, far away downstairs, watching TV... Read more »

A Suburban Dad's Guest Blog: Emergency Shmamergency

By Rick Kaempfer Try saying the title of this column five times as fast as you can. Don’t worry if you can’t do it. It’s not actually humanly possible. I enjoyed Kim’s column the other day about doctor season, because it reminded me that in my house, this is also emergency room season. When the... Read more »

Pizza Pi: For the Value-Driven Engineer

I found this slip of paper on the kitchen counter. Thinking it was a remnant from one of my sons’ geometry problems, I started to throw it away (if you leave your garbage lying on my kitchen counter, you run that risk) but then I had a change of heart.   “Does this belong to... Read more »

It's Doctor Season

We’ve sprung forward, there’s a bit less chill in the air and I know that soon I will be spending most all of my valuable free time in waiting rooms reading six-month-old issues of Golf Digest. You see, it’s Doctor Season, which is how we refer to the phenomenon that occurs semi-annually when it seems... Read more »

Charlie Sheen vs. Soldiers in Afghanistan

When it comes to Charlie Sheen vs. Soldiers in Afghanistan, apparently, there are people out there wondering why Charlie Sheen is winning the media monopoly. Viral Facebook post pits coverage of Sheen, fallen soldiers Well, acitymom thinks she knows why. And it’s not pretty. When we read about soldiers dying in Afghanistan, we feel bad.... Read more »