Archive for March 2011

20 Boys Run Through Loop Carrying Food Preparation Product

Perhaps only once in the entire history of the Sears Tower (Okay, I know it’s the Willis Tower, but that’s still too weird for me to say.), have twenty adolescent boys, led by one completely bald track coach, run through its lobby carrying chicken cooking cream. I wish I could have seen the spectacle. During... Read more »

Butt-Dialed Blackmail

Butt-Dialed Blackmail
“So, who was telling all the dead baby jokes on the bus?” I asked my son this question and the look on his face was priceless. The proverbial Deer in the headlights expression. My query received this response, I’m sure, because he’d thought his mother had suddenly developed over-the-top psychic skills: skills way more powerful... Read more »

A Suburban Dad's Guest Blog: Man Begs Dog

Ivy in the living room
Kim’s post about her dog vomiting on her bed oddly made me feel better. You see, our little pooch Ivy is a bit of a horker herself. You know the expression “Eat (Poop) and Die”? Turns out, it’s slightly misleading. Ivy has discovered that eating it won’t make you die. It will, however, cause you... Read more »
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The Unexpected Voice

“Do we have any blueberry muffins left?” It seems an innocuous enough question. Mostly harmless. Yet, when I heard it, I let out a yelp and jumped, completely startled. Because the voice came from behind me and it was no longer the voice of my fourteen-year old son, Kyle, but the voice of a strange... Read more »

A Suburban Dad's Guest Blog: Emergency Shmamergency

By Rick Kaempfer Try saying the title of this column five times as fast as you can. Don’t worry if you can’t do it. It’s not actually humanly possible. I enjoyed Kim’s column the other day about doctor season, because it reminded me that in my house, this is also emergency room season. When the... Read more »

Pizza Pi: For the Value-Driven Engineer

I found this slip of paper on the kitchen counter. Thinking it was a remnant from one of my sons’ geometry problems, I started to throw it away (if you leave your garbage lying on my kitchen counter, you run that risk) but then I had a change of heart.   “Does this belong to... Read more »
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It's Doctor Season

We’ve sprung forward, there’s a bit less chill in the air and I know that soon I will be spending most all of my valuable free time in waiting rooms reading six-month-old issues of Golf Digest. You see, it’s Doctor Season, which is how we refer to the phenomenon that occurs semi-annually when it seems... Read more »

A Suburban Dad's Guest Blog: Supermarket Crankiness

By Rick Kaempfer For years my wife handled all of the grocery shopping for our family. It wasn’t a sexist decision on my part; it was entirely her idea. After a bad incident or two, it was decided that I simply wasn’t capable of handling the task.  I can’t remember the exact details, but I... Read more »

The Do Gooder Graffiti Artist Strikes Again, and other acitymom loose ends

Sorry Graffiti. It seems my do-gooder graffiti artist [Do Gooder Graffiti?] has struck again, this time with a message of “Sorry.” As most everyone over the age of three knows, it’s always a good idea to apologize when you’ve done something wrong. Like spray painting on the side of someone else’s building. Wagnerian Opera, the... Read more »
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Moving Telephone Polls

“‘Can we join Club Penguin? When can we join Club Penguin? We’ll pay for it. Can we join Club Penguin after dinner?’ This is only the tip of the penguin-topped iceberg. I’ve been hearing about Club Penguin for days. I’m sick of Club Penguin. But I marvel at my son’s tenacity. I suppose I should... Read more »