The Baby Sideburns blog is moving!!!!!

Don’t miss the new blog!! Please sign up here so I can keep entertaining you. Click here to subscribe  I promise I won’t send you any annoying shit, just the occasional funny post that’ll hopefully make you pee in your pants a little. So pleeeeease sign up because I would miss you terribly if I... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
December 26, 2014 at 7:38 pm • 

Baby Sideburns is leaving

Baby Sideburns is leaving
Wahhhhhhhhhh. Nooooooooo. Say it isn’t sooooooo!!!! Alas, it is. It makes me sad to say that I will no longer be writing my blog here. But you can come with me!! If you want to keep reading my hilarious blog, you need to subscribe here: SUBSCRIBE HERE!!!! Easy peasy. Just click on the link and... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
December 12, 2014 at 7:37 pm • 

I mean seriously, THAT is what you're gonna wear???

I mean seriously, THAT is what you're gonna wear???
ME: What is THAT? HUBBY: What? ME: That shirt you’re wearing. When did you get THAT? HUBBY: Duh, what does it say? 1989. ME: Which means you were 13 when you got it. HUBBY: Yeah. ME: So you’ve had it for over 25 years. HUBBY: That makes it vintage. ME: No. That makes it time... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
December 4, 2014 at 12:10 pm • 
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National Wear Someone Else's Shoes for a Day Day

Okay, so here’s the dealio. At ChicagoNow we have Blogapalooza once a month and we’re given a topic and we have one hour to write about it and publish a post. Yup, sixty measly minutes to finish the whole damn thing and this is our topic tonight. “Create a new holiday, or holidays, that you... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
November 25, 2014 at 10:05 pm • 

What your Yankee Candle scent says about you

Holy crap, did you know that there are over one-hundred-fifty Yankee Candle scents?! 150!! And even though I’m gonna make fun of a lot of them in this post, I want to preface this by saying if anyone who’s reading this works in the Yankee Candle HR department, please give me THAT job. The person... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
November 19, 2014 at 7:16 am • 

Redken picks a transgender model. Are they F'ing insane?!!!

Redken picks a transgender model. Are they F'ing insane?!!!
Dear Redken, Holy crap, seriously? I just heard about what you did today. Are you insane?!! Choosing Lea T to be the new face of your hair-color line is just crazyyyy. Don’t you know that SHE used to be a HE? I mean what if people start to boycott Redken for picking a transgender model? And... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
November 6, 2014 at 8:27 pm • 
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And POOF just like that my little angel turned into a GIANT crotchmuffin!

Hole. E. Shit. I don’t know WTF happened, but like two weeks ago someone flipped a switch in my little angel and he turned into the devil. I mean, no, at the time I didn’t think he was an angel because he did all sorts of annoying shit like wake us up in the middle... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
November 5, 2014 at 7:39 am • 

Ahhhhhh, what MY perfect day would look like

1. Wake up at 10am, and I don’t mean like wake up at 7am and stay in bed for three hours. I mean my eyes don’t open and my brain doesn’t turn on until 10am, like my husband is downstairs cooking breakfast and wondering whether he should come up and put a mirror below my... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
October 29, 2014 at 10:02 pm • 

Volunteering with children and teaching them not to be greedy little douchenuggets

Volunteering with children and teaching them not to be greedy little douchenuggets
Okay, so I don’t know how it is at your house for breakfast, but I feel like every damn day I ask them what they want and they tell me and like five minutes later they look at their plates and they’re like WAHHHH, I didn’t want oatmeal!! Or WAHHHH, I wanted a bagel! Or... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
October 27, 2014 at 1:20 pm • 
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In Defense of Monica Lewinsky

Mistakes I made when I was 22: 1. I went out with this total douchebag who said he loved me after about a week of dating and I believed him and said it back. 2. I drank too many strawberry daiquiris on ladies night and ended up hugging a toilet while my roomie held back... Read more »
By Karen Alpert,
October 21, 2014 at 10:56 am •