I did it. Surprisingly, it was not difficult. I woke up one morning, reaching a point in my life knowing that the time had arrived. I had to let go. I had to free myself of the inhibitions and let go of the simple facts of trying to make things fit that simply and honestly just don't. How can I have the life I dream, the life I know exists if the space is filled with worry, negativity, conforming conflicts and pressure. I knew after starting to become weighed down that I had no choice, but to change.
I believe the Universe knows. This knowing is what I tried to ignore and carry on with good faith and good light into an unrecognizable me. I continued my work within the Koi and Japanese Garden industry. I designed, photographed and blogged ( at least I tried to ) about living this extraordinary life... and yet I was prisoner of my own fears. Well, that all changed a few weeks ago when my focus and freedom simultaneously took flight. I began to design the rest of my life. Exactly how I intended it to be.
Things that were not beautiful or useful were thrown out or donated to the local Good Will Center. Useless apps and iphone devices were deleted and shut off when the time came to sleep. Time was made for fun and play and although I was working hard it took on a different meaning. This was living the life that I intended to live, one filled with love, passion and a determination to not settle for anything less. I never cared what anyone else thought of me or why I made the choices I did. Yet now, I really, really, really didn't care. I made the choice to live authentically with every breathe I took and be grateful and blessed for every day and every new beginning. I began to believe in just me.
Living this way, I knew that I had to psych myself up to accepting that this decision could take years of trust to bring into my life what I have felt all along existed. Waiting a thousand years has taken on a new meeting. If that's what it took, I will wait. It was time. I touched the edge of the water and there was no going back. No conforming. No apologies. No anger, no regrets and no worries. With a smile and a determination once more, I reflected on the past five years at how far I have come and grown as a person. You would not even recognize me ten years ago. There was no light in my eyes, and through challenges and struggles I endured, I knew this last leap would be easy. I had met the edge, and I see and feel beyond the limit of the light in the horizon.
My lifestyle was simplified, and working in my greenhouse became sacred, and waiting at the airport for a Koi that was missing in flight, became a time of reflection and not frustration. Everything happens for a time, season and reason. When the soul is ready, the wings appear. I even took my first time flight on a motorcycle with a beautiful man that I trust. There is a powerful connection in discovering yourself and what you want for the life you designed... know that it is the courage in letting go, and listening to your own soul, that you will eventually live the extraordinary life you have always known in your heart. With this, I leave you a poem that crossed my path, thanks to Rev Safire Rose
She let go.
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…
and the wings emerged.
Love & Light... M
Photography copyright 2015 MaryEllen Malinowski, Zen Living by design | Infrared Light Int'l zenlivingbydesign.com
Founder, The Koi Whisperer Sanctuary & Japanese Gardens M@infraredlight.com 800.571.2730
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