My name is Tania Richard and I am an extroverted introvert. According to Thought Catalog this means, "You have to psyche yourself up for social interactions – even when you know you’ll enjoy them...You make plans when you’re feeling extroverted but then the time comes and you want to cancel so bad...People think you’re an extrovert... It’s not that you don’t like being around other people but it’s draining to you. You need some time alone to rejuvenate."
I have plans tonight. I've been invited to a VIP preview of a show written by Ike Holter an exceptionally talented Chicago playwright with a national presence. The play is called Rightlynd and it's at The Victory Gardens Theatre.
The VIP event offers food beforehand and 2 free tickets to the show. As if the show weren't enough incentive food puts it over the edge. I love free food and have used free food as an incentive before. When I was dating my husband he invited me to a work event and my first question was, "Will there be food?"
I want to attend this event to see the play, eat the food and to spend time with my friend who will be my guest. I want to see colleagues in the theatre community that I haven't seen in a while.
I've been rather isolated lately. Except for my family I have spent a significant amount of time alone traveling for work, working from home or traveling to and from auditions in my car. I listen in on conversations via podcasts more than I actually engage in conversations with others in person.
I gotta get out more and yet the notion of leaving my house this evening is making my chest tight and I think I might stop breathing. That can't be good. The notion of leaving my house is making me want to crawl in my bed and escape life through a long and fruitful nap. This is the effect going out has on me.
Normally when I have an event like tonight I start "psyching myself up" well in advance. It takes about a week for me to wrap my brain around the idea that I will be willingly putting myself out into the world after 6p. As I typed that I had to pause and lay my head down because the thought of going out is making me oh so tired.
I've been mentally preparing for this one but I'm still struggling. It'd be so easy to cancel. Nobody is forcing me to go. Oh wait sorry I had to lay my head down and close my eyes again.
My husband always reminds me that I'm usually happy I went out once I drag myself wherever I've been invited. I rarely regret it. Until then I have a nagging feeling that there's something on my to-do list I can't get to until the designated time which in this case is all the way in the evening. It'd be so much easier if the preview could be smack dab in the middle of the day in my living room for instance. Surely I wouldn't cancel that. Or would I?
It must be the weather and lack of sun. It must be that it will be pitch black and cold by the time I head out to the theatre. It must be that I like my warm house and not having to shower or look presentable. It must be that being an extroverted-introvert is like being a turtle who wants to run fast.
I'm writing this post for accountability. I will write a follow-up confessing whether I canceled or detailing the fun night had by all.
Meanwhile I am going to take a nap.