The Schlumps Curtesy of Mr. Trump

The Schlumps Curtesy of Mr. Trump
8 years ago on Obama’s inauguration I got my period for the first time, confused and scared I became “a woman” in a man’s world (still). At that point in my life I had not discovered my true identity and my sexuality being that of “abnormal” to most. This morning I woke up again with... Read more »

15 Reasons Why I Need a Sugar Mama

15 Reasons Why I Need a Sugar Mama
1. Pay My College Tuition Going to college is like having a very expensive, and mostly useless invisible child. So far I’m about $20,000 in debt and I could really use some cold hard cash to get rid of that debt (and future debts). That Mama of mine could give me the best gift of... Read more »

Confessions of an Animal Hoarder

Confessions of an Animal Hoarder
Yes, yes, family and friends– I admit it — I am a guilty animal hoarder. I’m one of those filthy, grody unspeakable creatures who scavenges the night for cats to nab up and I rummage through garbage to feed my growing hoard. When I walk among my apartment I come across piles of feces, puddles... Read more »
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Momma's an Angel

Momma's an Angel
Every child born to an amazing mother always says this, my mom is the best mom in the world. But I can honestly say, I wouldn’t be where I am without her. I mean she did have to push me out of her lady bits, feed me, potty train me, and sculpt me into the... Read more »

Worth the Weight

Worth the Weight
Who knew that it would take me until my freshman year of college to finally hit the big triple digit number.. 100 pounds! Now before you get judgey about my new weight, you need to know some background. My Early High School Years:   Unfortunately every story with a good ending starts with a bad... Read more »

True Love: A Tribute

True Love: A Tribute
The first time Crystal spoke of him it was late at night, around ten o’ clock. The daylight was growing shorter and the air became more frigid. We were sitting in that old Honda Odyssey of her’s that smelt like goldfish, crayons, love and memories. That night was the first time in a long time... Read more »
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Splish Splash iPhone Bath

Splish Splash iPhone Bath
I am an 18 year old klutz. I was walking on campus today all happy because I got all my stuff done for the day. So I decided to walk to the Memorial Union to just peruse. But since I was out all day, the sudden rush to pee hit me. Oh fate, oh fate,... Read more »

Identical Sheep + Finals Week

Identical Sheep + Finals Week
This is the last week of my first semester in college. Kill me. I loved it, but finals that are worth 25% of your grade that you worked on all semester? Really stupid. So everything I did is not as important as this one test? The education system is very askew! I just want to learn and... Read more »

Cat!astrophe pt. 1

Cat!astrophe pt. 1
For those who don’t know me all too well, I’m an animal nerd. I know everything there is about certain species, and I’m going to college to further my knowledge on the subject. But sometimes I’m at wits end when it comes to my own animals. Meet Neo the most eccentric chock-full of personality cat... Read more »
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It's Gonna be a Queer Thanksgiving

It's Gonna be a Queer Thanksgiving
Who else has a big, crazy, messy, ridiculous family? This Thanksgiving will be anything but usual. I love my family, don’t get me wrong, they mean the world to me… BUT YOU ALL DRIVE ME CRAZY. I am so tired of the constant back-stabbing, hatred, awful and hurtful words, and bad mouthing your own family.... Read more »