Today I woke up a Marathoner! The training was intense, the rain was disrespectful, my aches and pains slowed me down, but I did it! I contemplated what I would write on the blog this morning to salute my city and chronicle my accomplishment when I ran across the words of my friend Donna Roberts. I'm the kind of person that will Never Say Never but right now her words accurately capture my feelings this morning.
26.2 Reasons to Never Run Another Marathon - by Donna Roberts
So I finished the Chicago Marathon today! I didn't run the time I wanted but I did good enough to make the paper tomorrow. Here are 26.2 reasons I'll NEVER run another marathon.
1. You only need to run one marathon to be a marathoner. I'm good, why repeat myself.
2. This race cost me A LOT of money. The race itself was expensive, plus my personal training sessions, cost to train with CARA (which I NEVER did), my shoes and custom insoles, staying downtown last night, etc. I have more enjoyable things to do with my money.
3. Running is suppose to be fun. I was injured several times while training this summer and I'm currently in PT (another expense)
4. I trained in the sunshine and summer heat, today was raining and gloomy. I feel cheated.
5. The Nike app is some bullshit and NEVER works during long races downtown. If you can't pace yourself appropriately what's the point.
6. You have to consistently carb load while training for a marathon. That means you're not losing weight. SOOOOO why am I running?
7. There were several officers (soldiers) all throughout the race route with M16 weapons. Uhmm if soldiers with weapons are present in the streets of Chicago then I need to be at home.
8. A bug flew in my eye and I couldn't see and had to stop at the medical tent for several minutes. My eye is still red right now. Who has time for that!
9. We had to arrive at this race very early and stand around in our corrals. Prior to the race beginning I had to pee REALLY bad. There was no way to exit the corral. Was I suppose to pee on myself?
10. I'm about 99% sure I did pee (just a little) on myself at the finish. (I was tired, don't worry I took a shower at the hotel)
11. I'm not a fan of walking down the streets of Chicago with wet panties.
12. I HATE PORT A POTTIES. No matter how many times you tell yourself not to look in the hole you always do and you already know what's always in there. I'm good.
13. I like my toe nails. Why participate in an activity with the potential to make them fall off?
14. I have blisters on both feet. So now what? My toenails hurt and I have blisters?
15. Running long distances makes you hungry. I grabbed a handful of pretzels out a bowl from some lady standing on a random Chicago street corner. There's no telling who else had their filthy dirty hands in that bowl. I probably need a tetanus shot.
16. Running a marathon makes you crazy because I really didn't care about the filthy dirty hands before me. I needed pretzels in that moment.
17. Running for 6 hours and 26 minutes gives you a lot of time to think about why you're never running again. Do you have any idea what else I could've accomplished during that time?
18. I trained for nearly 16 weeks and it's probably going to take me that long to recover. My body REALLY hurts.
19. Running makes you sweaty plus it rained today causing me to wipe half my eye brows off. Really, so all my pics look crazy with half eye brows?
20. After I crossed the finish line I had to walk an extra .5 miles to exit the finisher lane. WTF! I could barely stand.
21. Melvin, my sister, my brother and the boys came to see me run. The met me at 3 different points and I don't have one picture because I was too scared to stop running. I'm pissed!
22. One runner asked me at Mile 22 was I having fun. I had already used up my quota of curse words for the day.
23. This race wasn't fun, it was hard azz hell. Yes, the spectators were great and I loved seeing the city but fun? Hell no! I don't like getting cramps in my calves for fun.
24. Look at the lady's face to the right of me in this pic. Need I say more?
25. The volunteers received jackets that look better than the marathon finisher jackets and all we received was a funky t-shirt. I paid money to run 26.2 miles and they passed out free water. Something doesn't add up.
26. I can't physically take my own pants off right now and I'm sitting on the couch waiting for Melvin to come home so he can help. Really, plus I think I have to pee again.
.2 because I completed the Chicago Marathon on October 7, 2018! I'm done!
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