This is why we don't have meetings

This is why we don't have meetings

This past Tuesday and Wednesday, the Chicago White Sox held organizational meetings for the first time since 2007.  Why they waited so long is a matter for debate.

Tuesday, November 8th, 8:00 AM (Scottsdale, AZ)

Kenny Williams: First of all, let's all thank Paul for allowing us use of his rumpus room on such short notice.  There was a snafu at the hotel, and uh, yeah, you know how these things are.

Konerko: Aw, well, it's no problem, really.  I was just, uh, you know, doing some stuff around the house, and uh, you guys can stay here long as you want.  It's more of a basement really at this point, I mean, I've been meaning to put like, some bumper pool or...(trails off)

KW: Paul, Paul...Paul!

PK: Yeah?

KW: We're fine

PK: Ok, like I said, I'll be upstairs, uh, if you know, you need anything.  There's beers in the fridge down here actually....might help myself actually...later in the day if, uh...

KW: Ok, so, thank you, Paul

....

PK: Right, I'll leave you alone (exits)

(KW crosses item off his list with a smirk)

Robin Ventura: I wondered why our conference room at the Westin fell through

KW: Huh?  What?  Uh, let's get started

November 8th, 10:30 AM

KW: So I just thought I'd pass around these organizational rosters--with accompanying reports--so everyone knows where we're at

(distributes binders)

(coaches skim in silence)

Don Cooper: Well, it is what it is--

RV: Where's Hudson?  Isn't he still with us?  I remember seeing one his starts in '09...really impressive

KW: You don't remember?

RV: Kenny, I've been watching college and minor league games the past few years

Jeff Manto: WOW!  Whenever I even see Adam Dunn's name!  You wanna talk about the most prolific left-handed hitters of all time

Kenny: Uh, yes, well, we all have a lot of faith in him--

RV: Was Hudson traded?

KW: Yes, for Jackson

JM: And Rios!  Man!  Do you guys remember when he came up? Bon-a-fide 5-tools!

RV: ...Nope, I don't see Jackson either

JM: Gordon Beckham! Man, what was he? A top-10 pick?

KW: He was traded too, ok!...Yes, Jeff, he went 8th overall.  Went overslot though...

RV: Well who for?

Mark Parent: Oh yeah, he got flipped for a young kid, with the uh, the cheese...Colby...Cobly Rasmus!

PK: (having just walked in) We got Rasmus!?....Sorry, I was just down here for a beer...you guys want one?

KW: No!  Stewart!  We got Stewart

PK: Oh yeah! Right....with the curls and stuff.  Eh...

....

RV: Oh, yeah I see him here.....never heard of him

November 8th, 2:00 PM

KW: Robin, you're doing this managing thing for the first time.  So we prepared an orientation for you (hands over packet)

RV: Oh wow, um, when did you put this together?

KW: Well, I didn't, Ozzie did.

....

DC: You had Oz prepare an orientation packet for his replacement after he asked out of his contract?

KW: Of course not!....He wrote this in '07

....

KW: You know, at the last winter meetings

....

KW: That's not the reason why we had prob--you know, just read it, ok?!

OZZIE GUILLEN'S GUIDE TO NEW MANAGER PRESUMABLY HIRED AFTER PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER

WELCOME MESSAGE

  • Thas all job is easy to judge manager from the studio
  • I play the game for long time
  • U don't know what happen

COMMUNICATING WITH PLAYERS

  • Iam glad the veteran make happen
  • Mark buurrrrrr thanks for a great memories buddy love ya man
  • Iam not in good mood now

THE MEDIA

  • Real sport whit bryan gumbel amaizing program this week iam a big fan all u programs are great sir
  • Phill rogers star sound like jay marrioti lol lol
  • 670 score very smart people talking baseball lol, I feel bad for mithc have to work whit this ignorants

CONDITIONING

  • Ice cream movie sleep well
  • I need to lose 10 pound please help me
  • Dahon travel bike is awesome

STRATEGY

  • Fundamental baseball people thas how u win games
  • Good defence smart game win in any sport
  • God grab your neck but never choke

SABERMETRICS

  • jajajajajajajajaja

FINAL NOTE

  • No matter how hard e is yes keep going and fighting to the end.  The best of my life is not hear yet will coming iam a warrior whit a lot hard and marbles

RV: Well, this is...uh...

KW: Say what you want about the man, but the baseball mind is right there.

...

RV: Yeah, you know I might help myself to one of those beers after all

November 9th, 5:00 AM

(Konerko wanders downstairs to futz with circuit breaker, flicks on light, reveals Joe McEwing sitting silently at meeting table)

PK: OH #$%@!

...

PK: Joe, you're here, what, 4 hours early?

Joe McEwing: Grindy

November 9th, 11:00 AM

RV: So, it seems like we're talking about trading away the heart of our rotation with Danks and Floyd

KW: The market is right for us to strike right now, plus we got Stewart ready to slide in

RV: I reiterate that I've never heard of that guy

MP: Didn't he give up 6 HRs to the Royals his last time out?

KW: It was 4.  I don't know how that number keeps getting inflated.  Besides, Coop's going to teach him a cutter.

DC: Actually I was thinking I'd teach him an eephus pitch.  I think I might teach the whole staff an eephus pitch.  Shingo had one that was pretty good, but mostly I just like saying it.  Eeeeeephus.  Eephus.  Heh, Eephus

Harold Baines: Eephus

DC: See, Harold gets it!

[Last 5 times Harold Baines spoke

3/03/10 - Spring Training: "So...Jermaine's gone?"

7/20/08 - U.S. Cellular Field statue dedication ceremony: "This statue means...." (sobs)

6/27/07 - White Palace Grill: "Scrambled...with toast, please"

1/24/06 - In response to home invader: "Leave"

10/26/05 - "My eyes...it got in my eyes"]

Kenny Williams sends a frantic text message to Reinsdorf "We gave Cooper too much job security!!!"

November 9, 3:00 PM

KW: Well, De Aza gets on base, he's got good speed, and plays a hell of a centerfield.

JM: Yeah, but he's not a traditional leadoff man, is he?

KW: Well, maybe not, but would you rather have Pierre?

MP: He was traditional

RV: Traditional leadoff man gets on base, hits for a high average.  Pierre did neither.

DC: So what is a traditional leadoff man, then?

...

...

RV: Well, now we're just back to square one again, aren't we?

November 9, 8:00 PM

KW: I just want to thank everyone for a great meeting.  Great conversations.  I'm really excited for 2012

RV: Agreed, this was great guys

MP: I know I can't wait to get started

JM: Provided I'm not managing the Cardinals--

KW: Not a damn chance

JM: --Spring Training is going to be great

KW: Yeah...I think you're right

2 months later...

Frank McCourt: Yeah, we're going to need to raise Spring Training ticket prices 9,000,000 %

KW: What the hell?  Why are you still here!?!?!

 

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