Ozzie Guillen in the White Sox fold for 2011: handshakes, hugs, and vodka tonics all-around

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Phew.  I really hadn't the slightest clue what to write about the Ozzie contract dispute.  Do I campaign endlessly that Ozzie's a pretty good manager with a winning record despite the lack of playoff appearances?  Do I go hard after the Sabermetric angle that there's no friggin way the manager is worth as many wins as some competent player personnel decisions would be worth, and this isn't worth our concern?  Do I dare speculate on an internal dispute I had no real access to?  Is anyone going to be interested in a Scott Linebrink post instead? 

Well, now Ozzie's agreed to return to the White Sox for 2011 (a strange formality for someone under contract for next season, but still necessary), after the following conversation:

Kenny: First, me and you gotta straighten some shit out.
Ozzie: Fine.

Ozzie: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Kenny: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?

Kenny: Well, you go first.
Ozzie: I don't know, maybe I felt a little threatened or something 'cause your career
is kind of just blossoming...and mine's kind of winding down or whatever.
  And I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me"...and it hurt.  And I felt like when you told me
to "Mark Tea-bag" myself...that really hurt.

Kenny: Maybe I was scared, man.  You're Ozzie Guillen!  Yeah, you're Ozzie Guillen.
You know what it's like to be a GM in Ozzie Guillen's shadow?
You want to hear something crazy?  

Your work, in the '05 Playoffs, made me want to grandstand to the press and put the focus on me over the players
I freakin' worship you, man.

Ozzie: I'm sorry was whack
Kenny: I was whack.

Ozzie: I was whack


Or that's a scene from Zoolander...whatever.  Choose to believe Kenny Williams' version if you want.

"I asked him directly: Did he want to be here? Did he want to be the
manager of the Chicago White Sox? He said, 'Absolutely. That's all I've
ever wanted,'" said Williams of his talk with Guillen. "He said he never
asked for an extension. The timing of something wasn't commensurate
with if he were to go down that road.

For some reason, I would find it more reassuring if Kenny just told Ozzie that he was under contract and they weren't releasing him, and perhaps pledged to pick up his option in 2012. 


Sorry guys, but White Sox Observer has exceeded its quota of Ozzie-Kenny pictures for the season, so here's this picture of a Duck-Billed Platypus

Or even more amusingly, Ozzie snuck out to Florida and caught a Marlins' game during an off day, was horrified, and nearly burst a blood vessel in his brain rushing to get to a phone to arrange this meeting.

It would all seem better than if this description from Williams were actually true and the White Sox went through a summer of trumped up controversies, Chicago Sun-Times exclusives, and Ken Rosenthal reports that the ship was ripping at the seams, just because these two goofballs couldn't sit down and have an honest conversation about their desires.  Boys.

What other GM is going to be as excited by Ozzie's over-managing and stubbornly playing veterans?

What other manager is going to get excited by his GM constantly bringing washed-up stars?

C'mon, this was bound to come together.

Ultimately, it's good for the White Sox.  No extra expenses from buying out Guillen's contract or trying to lure a splashy new hire.  No organizational instability when they're trying to lure free agents (that is if they're actually going to offer to somebody whose reaction won't be, 'Holy Crap!  An offer!  Yes!  Yesss!!").  And whatever increased attendance Guillen has been responsible for (Uhm...they haven't finished in the bottom 10 in attendance since he took over?) will uh...totally stay?

Best of all, no poor schmuck of a blogger will have to speculate why the Sox had to talk their manager into returning to his dream job for a seven-figure salary for at least another season.  That deserves some drinks.  Many drinks.  Several drinks.  Because there's nothing this season has to show us anymore.  'Cept more Linebrink!

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