When Chicago public schools close, we just gotta chuckle

A satirical guest post by my former student Andres Martinez, who will one day be a math teacher

 

With 40-60% of minority children dropping out of school in the City of Chicago, I stand by Major Rahm Emanuel and the closing of 50 public schools.  The closings will greatly reduce these statistics.  No kids in schools equals no kids dropping out.

Additionally, Chicago maintains the highest homicide rate in the U.S.  In an effort to secure our place at the top, Rahm has a great vision of making students travel through rival gang territories to achieve a sub-par education.  This will allow young students to be more open on the streets to embrace the gang violence and, eventually, join a gang.

In 2013, street smarts have become a staple in society--surpassing book smarts.  If a child knows how to hold a gun and murder--or attempt the murder of--a rival gang member at a young age, Chicago will remain the best homicide city.

But the main issue is money.  We have to improve our city's infrastructure at the expense of our future doctors, lawyers, and engineers.  Major Rahm Emanuel has a great plan for this city's future: drive it to the ground and have no one to pick it back up.

Please support the school closings.

And in future efforts, support cutting our police and fire departments, increasing our tax rates, and furthering gentrification.

Re-elect Rahm!

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