Just another day. Sitting in my office as it grows dark on what was a gloomy winter day, door locked and nervous to go outside. Ridiculous I know - why would I be afraid to walk outside here?
Why wouldn't I be?
Trying to get some work done on my computer as the news flashes across my screen: "14 dead, at least 17 more injured in mass shooting in San Bernardino, details to follow". Here we go again. The shooting of the week; the mass killing of the day. The families left wondering what just happened; the families left without loved ones right now - here at the holidays, a most precarious, fragile time.
How to work? How to think straight when the world around us is crumbling?
Possible domestic terrorism - against a home for mentally challenged adults? The wonderful, patient people that take care of them? How is this so? How does this continue to happen week after week without action? Without hearing idle talk that we know it's a problem and we have to deal with it?
I am a person that has dealt with anxiety and irrational fears my whole life. Without these occurrences it's hard to live day to day! So when shootings and mass killings start becoming a daily trend, it is only natural to become even more fearful, even more paranoid.
I worry about my children - they are grown adults but still have yet to have their own children. I have dreamed of those days yet now I fear them bringing lives into this gun crazed society. A society where lives are of no value, where an innocent boy is shot 16 times as he walks away from the police. Where gunmen simply walk into a public place and open fire, leaving nothing but tragedy in their paths.
I am angry. I am scared. I am disgusted. I am terrified.
It's becoming impossible to hide from it, impossible to feel that I or my family can be immune to this. That anyone I know is. It doesn't seem to matter where we live, what we are doing. We are going to continue waking up (if we are so lucky) to news of more shootings and tragedies until all the talk turns into action.
I am not politically savvy. I couldn't have an intelligent conversation about politics if I tried. I will however, make the statement that our government doesn't seem to do a damned thing to stop this craziness. We speak of gun control and I don't see it. But we hear this garbage:
"We have a pattern now of mass shootings in this country that has no parallel anywhere else in the world," said President Obama in an interview with CBS news.
Really? Is this news? We didn't have a pattern before? Does it really take back to back shootings to suddenly wake up to this? We continue to help other countries with their issues yet we let ours grow out of control. It's senseless, it's confusing. It's tragic. It's at a time of year when counting our blessings should be of the things that we have, not of the things we lost. Or of the things that have not happened to us.
I'd love to say I am blessed because of the good things in my life. It's so hard when I know the suffering that the families of all these victims of such senseless violence will now endure for the rest of their lives. When a person has one life to live, it's a travesty that they must spend the rest of it in mourning.
So, how does it end? How do we as a society stop this madness?
Please enlighten me, as I am lost.