Earlier this month I wrote about my recent mastectomy. It was very soon after I had the surgery and wondered how I'd be feeling after awhile. Many ladies out there will understand the feeling that I used to have taking my bra off at the end of a long day. You know, that moment when "the girls" go free. Such relief!! Well now everyday I get to feel like I'm wearing a bra when I'm not! Can't remove it cause it's under my skin!
Right now I have tissue expanders (first step in breast reconstruction) that were placed inside my empty breast cavities. When I was originally shown the expander it looked like a small, almost empty balloon. Inside though, each one feels like the Goodyear blimp.
Every time I get in the shower as the water starts to flow I think "oh shit, I forgot to take off my bra!". Then I remember that I'm not wearing one although I feel as though I am wearing one 24 hours a day. No girls to let free; no sigh of relief when I unhook.
Last week I saw the plastic surgeon for my first expansion session. Each expander has a port inside where saline is injected to stretch the skin and prepare for permanent implants. The injection needle wasn't so big but the syringe was about the size of a scuba tank. So imagine your skin being stretched from the inside out. Little girls wait to see their boobs grow as they get older; I got to watch mine grow right before my eyes. As I will a little each time.
If they were uncomfortable before, now I feel like a 42DDD wearing a 32A.
There is also the issue of the new boob I have on the side, under my arm. Apparently we all have fat pockets on the sides of our boobs that don't appear until we undergo an operation like mine. Without posting a picture let's just suffice it to say that I have a tiny "pouf" under my arm that will need to be removed by liposuction once the reconstruction process is complete. I've dreamed of liposuction for years - just not on a third boob. I'd rather prefer it on my thighs. Should I just leave it and get a third nipple??
The Doctor tells me that once I have the expanders removed I will be much more comfortable with my implants. Since I can't imagine anything being more uncomfortable than these expanders, anything will be a welcome relief.
It is interesting to note though that I have felt a huge sense of relief not having my DD's. Truth be told, I hated them. Now that I have been up and about, trying on clothes is actually a pleasure. Sure, it's weird not having anything more than a couple of pre-pubescent bumps but it feels great not having sweaters be too tight or buttons pulling open. Those saggy monsters were trying very hard to be the death of me and I am so glad now that they're gone.
So for now I'm hanging in there. I am counting on the day that these expanders are gone and I can feel the relief of not feeling like I am wearing that bra all day, every day. And the beauty will be I don't have to ever wear one again.
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