By now it's fairly well known that I am dealing with a second case of breast cancer. It's not known around the world or anything such as that, it's known within my circle of friends and family and those kind enough to read this blog.
The past few weeks have been like a surreal dream. I have been getting through each day, living (that God for that!) but the world has just been spinning around me with many things happening and I have not been paying any attention.
Last night as I watched an interesting documentary, "Searching for Sugarman" the verdict in the Trayvon Martin case was announced on my phone via CNN. As interesting as the documentary was, my mind was still floating around in lala land where it's comfortably (or uncomfortably) been since June 19th. I dozed on and off while watching (I need to watch again as it's a really interesting and fascinating story!) but then hearing the verdict gave me a jolt.
This morning CNN gave me another jolt. Cory Monteith is dead. Finn from Glee. Glee, the happiest show in the world now has this awful dark cloud. Trayvon Martin's killer is free. I can't even imagine what the repercussions of this are going to be. And the world swirls around me and I just can't seem to take any of it in.
I have always been a rose colored glasses gal. I STILL AM. Yet, this round two of cancer has thrown me for a loop I could never have imagined. I have never been the girl that likes to hear bad news. I always want to spin good things from bad. I can't find any justice in what happened to Trayvon Martin or that his killer has been acquitted. Can't find a way to put any good spin on that. I certainly can't find a way to find anything positive coming out of the death of a 31 year old young man who had the world at his fingertips. DAMN.
I just read a blog from a younger woman than I who is in my same shoes. I started to think about us cancer folk and how we just have to look at the world in a different way. How we are like a sorority of sisters we never would choose to be.
I imagine that we all wonder how young people like Cory Monteith who had his health and fame and an amazing future, could throw it away on drugs (no autopsy yet, just speculation). Here, when we are fighting for our own lives from a disease that we DO NOT CHOOSE young people are throwing their lives away to get high. When we have to fight this beast that has now invaded our bodies TWICE, there are senseless shootings and deaths of HEALTHY people for no reason.
I have to simply look at the world that is closest to me. My family, my friends. I have to look for the beauty that I am surrounded by and leave the rest of the world behind. Selfish? Don't care. The world outside me will swirl on.
Once in awhile, I'll let it in.