Nope, not dear Brian, dear Brain. This is not a typo. I would like to formally request that I somehow, some way gain the ability to turn off my brain for just a short while. I would like to do this at least once a day and particularly at night.
Right now I am typing this and my mind is racing. It always does. Every single moment I am awake, there are so many things running through this brain that it makes it tough to think straight. I've already determined that I could use adderall, LOTS of adderall but since I can't get my Doctor to give me any, and I don't have access to score any at a college campus, I spend my life like this.
This afternoon for about fifteen minutes my husband and I wrestled with our dog to clip his nails. For those fifteen minutes my mind was strangely clear. But I can't clip dog toenails every day to clear my head. I have a job. I am self employed. And therein lies a big part of the problem.
All I think about is work. Work, work, work. I am in commissioned sales so I wake up every day, basically unemployed unless I sell something. And those sales only come with pavement pounding and hard work. And that equates to constant thinking, thinking and thinking some more.
I also think about my future. I think about my girls and their future. I think about my father and his future. I think about my house and what I want to do to it. I think about the vacations I would love to be on. I think about which doctors appointments I should be making. I think about what groceries I need. I think about the laundry I need to do. I think about the bills I need to pay. I think about the things I think about. And this is all by the time I've been awake for fifteen minutes.
So, I would like someone to invent a brain switch. I'd like my brain to turn off at night when I lay down to try and sleep. I don't want to be kept awake thinking about the 4,000 things I want or need to do. I don't want to lay awake thinking about how I can come up with the next big idea/invention that is going to make me a million bucks so I can retire. I just want to lay down, flip that switch and get a good, peaceful nights sleep.
I want to wake up in the morning, turn on the switch on, work my day and then switch it off at will. When I want to think, I will. When I don't want to, I won't. This is how brains should work. Mine is is such constant overdrive I'm afraid it's just going to wear itself out.
And to give me more things to think about, join me on my Facebook page where Id love to share my musing with you!