Seven Deadly Sins: Gluttony - I have a bone to pick, or chew on

Seven Deadly Sins: Gluttony - I have a bone to pick, or chew on

Dear Sin of Gluttony,

I have been reading up on you lately and most definitely did not know you were such a sinful thing. In my dating days I was a glutton for punishment but that was different. With regards to food, I had no clue that I was only supposed to eat when my body told me to. This is a really difficult concept for me to wrap my head around. I'm told that to eat anything above and beyond what is just necessary to fill me up is a sin. Well, I'm confused.

I'm confused because of the amount of ridiculously delicious food that is available. I wish that somewhere along the line someone had decided to make all food taste like complete crap; that way I would eat only just enough to fill me up and kill my hunger pains. Perhaps those little boys singing for "Food, Glorious Food" in the 1968 movie "Oliver" should have been happy with their gruel and stop whining about hot sausage and mustard and warm jelly and custard.

So let's go back to some Biblical times, you know the times when someone thought up all the sins. If you look at the painting of The Last Supper, there isn't a whole lot of food on that table. It's hard to determine what was on the menu as there wasn't a news crew there to report however, rumor has it that the meal might have been a Passover Seder. Which begs the question: are you kidding me?? Have you ever been to a Seder? Do you know what we consume in one sitting??

You'll eat more in one seder than you'll eat for a week. Sure, we have our matzoh, the bread of affliction (for those who aren't familiar with matzoh, it's unleavened bread. A product of just one of the pickle's my people have been in over the years). Or basically the world's worst imitation of a cracker. (BTW, only good spread with butter, salt or a mountain of Haroseth which for non Jews is a combination of apples, nuts, cinnamon and wine). But the rest of what we call The Festive Meal is a far cry from "just enough to satisfy our hunger".

Seven Deadly Sins: The Series
Teppi Jacobsen: Gluttony
Jenna Myers Karvunidis: Greed
Lyletta Robinson: Anger
Patrick O'Hara: Envy
Evan Moore: Pride
Sheila Quirke: Sloth
Crystal Alperin: Lust
Andy Frye: The Eighth Sin: Rebellion

We have our gefilte fish, our matzoh ball soup, the brisket, potatoes, our Bubbe's 800 other side dishes, the matzoh (I usually eat 2-3 full slabs), every Jewish dessert (with no flour) ever invented and of course the four or five glasses of wine we drink before we even get to the meal. Basically, the amount of food we eat at one of our highest of holidays is a sin. A gluttonous mess. So seeing as how The Last Supper was a biblical occurrence and the sins are written in the Bible, I am doubting the rumor of The Last Supper being a Seder.

I wonder dear Mr. Gluttony, when did the food thing get so out of control? Maybe if our holiday tables looked a little more like The Last Supper and less like the Old Country Buffet we'd have less of an obesity problem here in America. So much of what we do is based around food. I know for me, eating just enough to keep me full is a challenge. Particularly in situations like say when I meet girlfriends at The Cheesecake Factory for lunch. I have to walk in with the "Dare" drug program mantra running through my head to "Just Say No". And then the waiter asks which of the fifty different types of cheesecake we would like for dessert. And I'm going to resist but then he says they have their special Peppermint Bark Cheesecake and I am like Eve with that damned apple. (I think The Cheesecake Factory is run by the devil :))

So, I don't want to feel like a daily sinner. With all the holiday eating I have already done and will be doing I am going to start a petition to change the Seven Deadly Sins to Six. Every time I eat something that tastes really good should not be a bad thing. (Maybe if I eat the ENTIRE Peppermint Bark Cheesecake I could be called a sinner but not just one piece). I think the other sins are way worse. Like Lust. I think that eating a jelly donut is way less of a sin than banging my best friends 16 year old buff and hunky son with the six pack abs and the long lashed blue eyes....OH, sorry, I digress. Or scarfing up a big bowl of spaghetti is much less awful than robbing a bank. Or being slothy. Or envious. Or proud.

So, hear me out Mr. Gluttony,  I think it's fair to say you don't really fit in. I know that there are seven sins for each day it took God to create the world.  Then on the 7th day He rested. But I have a feeling I know why:

He wanted to eat.

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