Dumb things my husband asks me

Dumb things my husband asks me

I'd like to think of myself as a fairly patient person. One might even say I'd have to be to deal with the questions that I am asked on a regular basis. Dumb, ridiculous, oh my God did you really just ask me that questions. These questions come from my beloved husband. I love him dearly, I really do. But when he questions me about things that another person may shoot him over, it tests me in ways I never thought possible.

My father is in town visiting. He gets very warm and who can blame him? It's been 100 degrees! He turned down the air. Hubby came home and asked if I had turned it down. I said no, my Dad did. His question: "Was he warm?"

I calmly answered yes, he was warm. However, my gut instinct was to say "no, don't be silly! He wasn't warm at all!! He just knows that you are crazy about turning it down and he wanted to fuck with you!!"

I just moved my office out of the house and into a spare room at the husband's place. The other day I left after he did. His question: "Did you turn the lights off and lock the doors?" Calmly replied yes.

Gut answer: "No, no I didn't. I want to see just how high we can run up your electric bill silly! And the door? Nope, didn't lock it. I'm hoping that someone comes in and steals everything! Who needs all that stuff anyway?"

We have traveled often in 25 years. I am always in charge of the travel documents. The first few times I was questioned about making sure I had them it was no problem. But now, after all this time it's enough to make me want to kill him. "Do you have the tickets?" (First of all, in today's world we travel without tickets most of the time) Passports? Even when I say yes he continues to "make sure".

Gut answer: "Passport you ask? As a matter of fact I never go anywhere without it. You see, I tell myself the next time you second guess me, I'm hopping a plane to Paris and never coming back. So yes, yes I have the passports."

On too many occasions I have wondered why he is asking. Does he need to be reassured I'm not a complete dumbass? Does it make him feel better if he finds that I actually didn't do whatever he asked? If there was another reason why something was done, other than the world's most obvious? Or I am in the middle of doing something so obvious yet he still asks what I am doing. Kinda like this:

One of my favorites is after dinner. Since we moved in together all those years ago I have had a "thing" about him doing the dishes. I do the shopping and cooking. He can clean it all up. Yet, more often than not those dishes sit for hours getting crusty. Being a martyr, I wash them. He is well within earshot as the water is running;  I am doing my best to make as much noise as possible. Clanking and clanging pots and pans as loud as I can stand. I even walk in front of him with a dish and drying towel, wiping it dry. No comment.

When it is quiet, he comes in the kitchen. Innocently he asks "did you do the dishes??"

That question is then followed by the dumbest of all: "Wanna fool around?"

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  • LOL!! I especially loved the ending - I am thinking of the countless times my husband has said, "Wanna fool around?" at the most inopportune of times. The most recent one was yesterday, when my 4 year old was sick and throwing up - "Honey, there's no way he's interested in what we're doing right now. Wanna fool around?!!!"

  • Exactly.

  • Lately I've been pondering the answer most everyone gives to "where are you?"

    They say, "I'm right here."

    "Right here"? Where ELSE could you be but right where you are?

  • !!!!!!Free Mustache Rides!!!

  • Good reminder to check myself before asking my husband a potentially stupid/annoying question!

    My favorite is when my husband opens the refrigerator door and asks where the butter is. Which is in plain sight. Which must be visible to only me and my apparent superhero-level vision.

  • In reply to ciecko:

    Ahhh, you have that vision too huh??

  • "On too many occasions I have wondered why he is asking. Does he need to be reassured I'm not a complete dumbass? Does it make him feel better if he finds that I actually didn't do whatever he asked?"

    Maybe I'm silly, but have you ever just asked him? You're clearly passionate about this topic. It sounds like he does it often enough to have a reason, or to at least admit that it's a habit. If you present it in a clear, positive manner, it couldn't hurt! I'm terribly curious.

  • In reply to Lauren “Troppy”:

    I just shoot him what we both know is "the look". That means if you ask me again, I'll kill you :) Seems as though this is a more common issue than I thought - makes me feel better that I am not alone on this!!

  • I can't stand "What's up?" other than "Nothing much" I can never come up with a good response. And the people who ask you are the ones who see you all the time....

  • he sounds like a control freak and wants your attention solely on him, and not on you .. making sure your thoughts are only his thoughts; hence, say anything and everything .. he knows what he is doing is annoying and he wants it that way .. my mom had a stroke after 40 years with a butt wipe .. he was always asking dumb questions just to hear himself speak.

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    Just try to remember Teppi. There is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people who ask questions.

  • I don't know; this seems like pretty trivial stuff. Maybe it's because I know too many people whose spouses have died, and the surviving spouse would do anything in the world to hear one of those "stupid questions" just one more time. Choose your battles carefully, and be grateful for what you have; you never know when it will be taken from you.

  • In reply to JoesGarage:

    I am quite grateful for what I have. This was written with the lightest of intentions. We all have our days!

  • It sounds like your "irritation nerve" is inflamed. It happens after being married a certain number of years. I recommend warm baths, glasses of wine, and the occasional separate vacation with good friends. Avoid sarcasm. Like scratching a rash, it will make things much worse.

    As for your clean-up dilemma, before washing dishes loudly while he pretends not to hear, ask him your own stupid question: "have you done the dishes?"

  • In reply to AnneHarris:

    I like that - the irritation nerve. You sould like you have experience so I'mma gonna take your advice. Thanks!

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