I'd like to think of myself as a fairly patient person. One might even say I'd have to be to deal with the questions that I am asked on a regular basis. Dumb, ridiculous, oh my God did you really just ask me that questions. These questions come from my beloved husband. I love him dearly, I really do. But when he questions me about things that another person may shoot him over, it tests me in ways I never thought possible.
My father is in town visiting. He gets very warm and who can blame him? It's been 100 degrees! He turned down the air. Hubby came home and asked if I had turned it down. I said no, my Dad did. His question: "Was he warm?"
I calmly answered yes, he was warm. However, my gut instinct was to say "no, don't be silly! He wasn't warm at all!! He just knows that you are crazy about turning it down and he wanted to fuck with you!!"
I just moved my office out of the house and into a spare room at the husband's place. The other day I left after he did. His question: "Did you turn the lights off and lock the doors?" Calmly replied yes.
Gut answer: "No, no I didn't. I want to see just how high we can run up your electric bill silly! And the door? Nope, didn't lock it. I'm hoping that someone comes in and steals everything! Who needs all that stuff anyway?"
We have traveled often in 25 years. I am always in charge of the travel documents. The first few times I was questioned about making sure I had them it was no problem. But now, after all this time it's enough to make me want to kill him. "Do you have the tickets?" (First of all, in today's world we travel without tickets most of the time) Passports? Even when I say yes he continues to "make sure".
Gut answer: "Passport you ask? As a matter of fact I never go anywhere without it. You see, I tell myself the next time you second guess me, I'm hopping a plane to Paris and never coming back. So yes, yes I have the passports."
On too many occasions I have wondered why he is asking. Does he need to be reassured I'm not a complete dumbass? Does it make him feel better if he finds that I actually didn't do whatever he asked? If there was another reason why something was done, other than the world's most obvious? Or I am in the middle of doing something so obvious yet he still asks what I am doing. Kinda like this:
One of my favorites is after dinner. Since we moved in together all those years ago I have had a "thing" about him doing the dishes. I do the shopping and cooking. He can clean it all up. Yet, more often than not those dishes sit for hours getting crusty. Being a martyr, I wash them. He is well within earshot as the water is running; I am doing my best to make as much noise as possible. Clanking and clanging pots and pans as loud as I can stand. I even walk in front of him with a dish and drying towel, wiping it dry. No comment.
When it is quiet, he comes in the kitchen. Innocently he asks "did you do the dishes??"
That question is then followed by the dumbest of all: "Wanna fool around?"