One last parenting rant; maybe

This is going to be my last post regarding my girls and their trip. I hit rock bottom last night as I didn't hear from them for what seemed like an eternity. I had looked at my watch repeatedly and realized that it was 7AM in Israel and I had not gotten my obligatory text that they were in for the night. Or morning. Or at all. 

I have NEVER really taken Xanax except when I fly long distance and even then I have hesitated. But last night I was popping it like it was friggin candy. I couldn't find anything to calm down my crazed anxiety and I felt like calling a crazy persons hotline if there is such a thing. 
No one ever told me how much worrying was involved when you become a parent. The unadulterated, pure and unconditional love your feel for a child has to be the single most overwhelming feeling any person can experience. Not for your partner, not for your parents, not for anyone else. 
I'm so totally sure that people will disagree and that's okay. I'm not saying that anyone should be as nutty as I am about the safety of my children. Or the irrational feelings I have with them being as far away and the little amount of contact we have had. I admit with all that I am that I am a certified, lunatic nutball when it comes to my girls. 
Maybe it's because every time I turn on the TV I hear about some missing girl, some molested child, some girl kidnapped and sold into sex slavery. The media and prime time TV has turned my worst fears into a daily dose of anxiety I never thought possible. Jut before my oldest was going to go to the Bahamas from her senior spring break in high school, Natalee Holloway went missing. Guess who didn't get to go on that trip?? She still hates me for that. (Even though as an alternative we took the family plus her best friend to Hawaii instead, I told you all I have a hard time saying no).
When I was younger my father's cousin lost a son in a motorcycle accident. He said to me that no parent should ever have to bury their child. There is no one out there that can disagree with that. It's every parents worst nightmare. 
So, these past two weeks I have learned a huge lesson. There are things in life that are out of my control. I can either worry myself into an early grave or adjust to the fact that kids grow up, spread their wings and have to have a life without a crazy, overprotective mom. It's a hard lesson and I have no guarantees that I will not become a drug addict or alcoholic but I am gonna try my best. 
In the meantime, I am really open to suggestions on how you all deal with this stuff or if you are all as nutty as I am and I highly doubt that. Thanks for listening. 

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