The big day is nearly upon us. You've put the finishing touches on the kids' costumes. The pumpkins have been transformed into jack-o'lanterns. And you've stocked up on an absurd amount of candy for the hordes of trick-or-treaters about to descend on your front door.
But before you officially kick off your Halloween celebration, I have a few do's and don'ts for you (some serious and some not-so-serious).
1. DON'T leave a big bowl of candy on your front porch with a cute note that says, "One piece of candy per person." I think we all know what happens here.
2. DO limit your handouts to the trick-or-treaters to one or two pieces of candy each (because those of you who throw a whole handful of candy into their satchels -- or worse yet -- give out big size candy bars -- make the rest of us look bad).
3. If your daughter is dressed as one of the Disney princesses (and I know this is the case for thousands of you parents), DO bring an extra pair of shoes along if she heads out wearing those cheap, plastic high heels. Or at least bring cab fare for the trip to the emergency room when she takes a header on the sidewalk.
4. If you are over the age of sixteen, DON'T don a scary ski mask, grab
a plastic grocery bag and call yourself a trick-or-treater. You are too
5. Along those same lines, DON'T bring along an
extra trick-or-treat bag so you can collect treats for your costumed
infant who is sitting in a stroller. Everyone knows that you are
collecting this candy for yourself. And the first rule of Halloween is
that adults aren't supposed to trick-or-treat.
6. If you are the
owner of an exuberant dog, DO be sure to put him in a secure place so
he doesn't bulldoze the trick-or-treaters at your door in his
excitement (I've seen this happen. No one wants stitches in their head
7. DON'T forget to have the kiddos go to the bathroom before they suit up in the one-piece dragon outfit.
8. DO realize that, despite your best efforts, your kids are going to
eat way too much sugar and stay up way too late. So Sunday is going to
be kind of a long day for you.
9. DO remind your greedy little ghosts and goblins to say "thank you" to their generous neighbors as they collect their loot.
And finally, DON'T take away your kid's candy in the name of protecting
them from sugar overload only to eat through the entire stockpile
yourself in the coming weeks (I am mostly talking to myself with this
Happy Halloween Chicagoans!