From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault
BOSTON--Boston Red Sox players say they've gotten used to 44-year-old Tim Wakefield's strange phrases ("Anything good in the icebox?") and drinking habits ("One-and-a-half Ensures ensures you'll throw a good game!"), but they can't help but be frustrated by his insistence on playing 1970s VHS tapes in the clubhouse. "He made us watch all 11 seasons of M*A*S*H, which took up all of spring training and like a month of the regular season, but it was like, 'Whatever, that's a decent show,'" said second baseman Dustin Pedroia. "But then we come in the day after we finished M*A*S*H and he's got fucking Mork and Mindy on, just giggling like a little girl." Players decided not to say anything, but regretted the decision when Wakefield moved on to what most Red Sox players refer to as "the last straw": all 96 episodes of The Partridge Family. Twenty-three of the 25 active players approached management to demand Wakefield be traded, but the trade deadline passed and the clubhouse remained filled with the abhorrent sounds of "C'mon, Get Happy." DH David Ortiz was the only player who didn't complain to management: "I don't know, I just really like that Danny Bonaduce," he said.