From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault
INDIANAPOLIS--In a shocking development out of the NBA, Indiana Pacers forward Tyler Hansbrough died suddenly on Thursday after closing his mouth for the first time in his life. Ever since the start of his successful career at the University of North Carolina, fans, teammates and opponents wondered why Hansbrough's mouth always hung open awkwardly like he was some kind of idiot, but everyone associated with the NBA was saddened to learn that through some strange twist of science, it turns out Hansbrough's mouth had to be kept open for him to remain alive.
"He always looked so stupid," said Pacers teammate T.J. Ford. "But now he just looks dead. It's sad."
"I feel terrible about all those times I stopped practice and said that if he didn't close his goddamn mouth, everyone had to run laps," said UNC coach Roy Williams. "They must have run 100 laps one time, but I'll be damned if he didn't refuse to close his mouth. I just wish he would have said something about it, but I guess he was too busy mouth-breathing and looking befuddled."
There will be an
open mouthed open casket service held on Saturday.