Tyler Hansbrough closes mouth for a split second, dies

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault


INDIANAPOLIS--In a shocking development out of the NBA, Indiana Pacers forward Tyler Hansbrough died suddenly on Thursday after closing his mouth for the first time in his life. Ever since the start of his successful career at the University of North Carolina, fans, teammates and opponents wondered why Hansbrough's mouth always hung open awkwardly like he was some kind of idiot, but everyone associated with the NBA was saddened to learn that through some strange twist of science, it turns out Hansbrough's mouth had to be kept open for him to remain alive.
"He always looked so stupid," said Pacers teammate T.J. Ford. "But now he just looks dead. It's sad."
"I feel terrible about all those times I stopped practice and said that if he didn't close his goddamn mouth, everyone had to run laps," said UNC coach Roy Williams. "They must have run 100 laps one time, but I'll be damned if he didn't refuse to close his mouth. I just wish he would have said something about it, but I guess he was too busy mouth-breathing and looking befuddled."
There will be an open mouthed open casket service held on Saturday.

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  • You are the most insulting people I have ever seen. For one thing you cannot diss Tyler Hansbrough or someone who likes him will hit you. He is a great person and no one should make up stories about him being dead. This is the most insulting blog I have ever read. It's not Tyler's fault that Boozer is not a good player. It's not Tyler's fault that half of the playoffs with the Pacers was not confortable for the Bulls. Not to mention knocking Tyler to the floor so someone could give him dizzy spells like he had before. You do not deserve to write anything so horrid as this article and get away with it. Tyler has a degree so he can't be that stupid. Think next time before you write such awful things to one of the nicest people. He deserves an apology.

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