Carolina Panthers take QB with all eight draft picks

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault



Thumbnail image for clausen.jpg

"WAAAAAA!" cries Jimmy Clausen, who, according to several sources, is terrible at football.


NEW YORK--In an unprecedented move, the Carolina Panthers selected a quarterback with each and every one of their eight draft picks. After accomplishing the unthinkable in 2010--somehow managing to make fans long for the days of Jake Delhomme--GM Marty Hurney decided they couldn't suffer through another season of Jimmy Clausen, Matt Moore, and someone named Brian St. Pierre (a quick Google search reveals that he is a regular guy who happened to work at a Lady Foot Locker near the Panthers' stadium before being signed).
It wasn't a surprise when the Panthers nabbed Auburn QB Cam Newton with the #1 overall pick, but they surprised everyone by taking Nevada's Colin Kaepernick in the second round, creating an awkward situation since Kaepernick was in the bathroom when the pick was announced. In the third round, with Panthers fans at Radio City Music Hall chanting "Not a QB! Not a QB!" NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell took the stage, looked at the card in his hand, covered the mike and whispered, "Really??" to an NFL administrator near the stage. He then announced that the Panthers selected Idaho's Nathan Enderle.
The trend continued for Carolina's remaining five draft picks. With their final pick, they drafted Hurney's 11-year-old son Cooper, who, according to Hurney, has an arm that would make you think he's more like 13 or 14, adding that he once threw the ball clear over the family's detached, one-car garage.
New head coach Ron Rivera said the team will hold an open competition for the starter's job, and that offensive tackle Jordan Gross would be included in the competition because he asked nicely.

Comments

Leave a comment
  • Another great humor vault .. and nobody died! :)

  • Solid humor vault. One of my favorites. Makes me miss football though.

Leave a comment