From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault
Mike Stanton said he hopes to go home with "a nice family" and would be willing to share a bunk bed.
MIAMI--After having the third-lowest attendance among MLB teams last season, the Florida Marlins announced a unique promotion that will take place on Opening Day: the team will give away one of its players to each of the first 24 fans to arrive.
"Every kid hopes to get a foul ball or a souvenir of some sort when they come to a game," said Sean Flynn, senior vice president of marketing. "But the real dream would be to take an actual player home. We're going to make 24 people very happy on April 1."
The Marlins will be giving away 24 players instead of 25 because shortstop Hanley Ramirez will not be part of the promotion. "None of our fans should have to take that asshole home," Flynn said. "Perhaps we'll do a 'Take Home a Douche' promotion later in the season."