Yes the term “jive turkey” is old school but it’s fitting, especially this time of the year. In a few weeks all across America turkeys will be plucked, stuffed at cooked at 350 degrees either in the oven, dropped into hot peanut oil or smoked like in the picture.
So if you fit the following description, you should be concerned.
If you talk smack, make egregious claims, live in a world where you feel you are always right and the rest of us are stupid and mistreat others then jive turkey is your name.
If you run for office, making promises even a deity can’t make good on, stomp on the rights of others and feel they are inferior, only look out for your 1% associates yet say this in the name of returning our country to some idiotic notion of prior superiority. You better look out because turkey gravy goes on sale this time of year.
If you claim to represent a group of underrepresented people but sell them out repeatedly, always looking to get media coverage, don’t really care to do the hard work in the community but look like you care because Channel 9 is there. Careful because Stove Top sells for a buck in November and December.
If you ran for office on the premise of change and cleaning up yet got you into office but then had tantrums like my infant son and have held municipalities’ and local governments hostage financially because you didn’t get your way. Watch out cranberry sauce might look good on the side of you.
If you are a professional athlete and have acted like the world owes you something despite getting the maximum amount of money. Not to mention have been careless and crass in your personal life and your attitude and issues distracts the team and fans. One day the only people cheering will be when you are cooked.
If you have run for multiple national offices and have been in the government spotlight for decades and best thing about your legacy is talking loud, thinking the rules don’t apply to you, dodging controversies and simply tell the people what you think they want to hear. Be forewarned turkey hunting permits are being passed out as we speak.
If you are a politician and have held your seat longer than most of us have been alive and weld your power with fist that only a communist dictator could love and treat the people you represent like pawns. Wise up because the fatter the bird, the likelihood to get roasted.
If you lead a large urban geographic area that you claim to love but leave a large chunk of it to fend for itself while only part of it is the truly a world class venture. Yet you live by vague statistics and rhetoric with veiled threats, then you may the next to be a butterball.
If you are an entertainer but choose to use negative connotation against others in the name of artistry and simply put others down because you think you can. Remember one day you may be the feast and not the fest.
If you are a corporation and you balance your books on the backs of those who work the hardest for you and get paid the least. Not to mention you find those people dispensable and make Ebenezer Scrooge look compassionate. The oven on Thanksgiving won’t be nearly as hot as the heat that you will have to deal with later.
If you are filmmaker and you go to someone else’s town make a production based on a slang term they hate, make a mockery out of their crime problem that has broken them down to their core to look like entertainment. Then you are of the highest order of jive turkeyism and deserve to be served with a side of chitlins.
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