Boy am I stupid, and I don't even watch Fox News.
Never saw this coming. You probably didn't either.
But now we are in this for the long haul so it's time to get serious and crank up how we cope with this new way of living.
This may go on for a long, long time.
We need good coping skills to survive.
I'm on it.
No longer forgetting to shower and staying in pajamas all day, now it's a daily shower. Well, maybe a nightly shower. I get dressed in real clothes, including that dreadful bra.
I want to feel normal.
Legs get shaven on occasion and I'll attend to my mustache and beard even though it can't be seen behind my face mask. Not that anyone is looking for my facial hair.
Please don't invite me to another Zoom meeting. I dread this whole Brady Bunch format of seeing all these people in boxes.
"Tiger King?" Isn't what we are all going through disturbing enough? We watched it for about eight minutes and had to turn back to "Grace and Frankie." That was a close call.
I never thought I would write this sentence:
McCormick Place is being turned into a field hospital with the potential of 3,000 hospital beds and Malort is distilling hand sanitizer.
We sold all of our stock and piled all the cash into little stacks. Then I hid the stacks all over the house. Don't worry, I also made a Treasure Map so I can find the money when I need it. You may ask, where did I learn this savvy financial advice? Well, from Shirley Maisel, of course. She's Joel's mother on "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel." Genius. I may have hid a pile of loot in your front hall closet. Keep an eye on it, will you?
No one cares about Jussie Smollett anymore.
Hungry, I look in the fridge. Those strawberries are going to rot soon. I should wash and slice them now. No. That's too much work. A sleeve of frozen Thin Mints sure hits the spot.
I find I am touching my face 469,037 times a day. Before washing my hands, I think I scratched my nose. I break out in a sweat. Perhaps I should wear my mittens to stop this filthy habit. How long does the virus live on fabric? Need to call Dr. Fauci.
We will know everyone's natural hair color by Memorial Day.
The trunk of my car has become our second pantry. Non-perishable items remain in there to quarantine for a week. So now I shop my trunk when I need cat food, Cascade or black beans.
First term Governor J.B. Pritzker and first term Mayor Lori Lightfoot are teaching us all what formidable leadership looks like. I feel better knowing they are in charge.
Stop drinking wine.
Start drinking gin.
My twice daily walks have been my saving grace. "Rock Fairies" in our neighborhood are leaving painted rocks with inspirational words all along the roads. It gives me hope and brightens my spirits. Thankfully, no one has taken any.
My husband climbs up the stairs and asks, "Hey, are we ever having dinner tonight? It's 9:30?"
"But we just had breakfast a few hours ago?" I retort. If I wore my mittens, I wouldn't be able to cook the damn dinner. Now that's a coping skill.
We really are all in this together. Just knowing that is my biggest coping skill of all.
We are all feeling upset, fearful of the unknown, anxious and miss our families and friends.
Be resilient. Be brave.
The daffodils and forsythia are in bloom. Nature always prevails.
Get outside for some fresh air and exercise if you can.
Cope like you've never coped before.
And have a Happy Easter.
I think it's this month? Or was it last month? Does it matter?
Every day can be Easter.
Cope. Have hope.
Wear your mittens.
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